The Complexity of a Teenager

Chapter Six: I Could Get Used to You

      For the first time in my life, I felt comfortable. With Alexander as my boyfriend, my mom's too busy with work, my fathers still fooling around with the Family housekeeper, and Benedict is comfortable with his new tablet. I dropped all my previous old 'friends' and just stuck around with Michael and Alex, what's strange is that those two act like brothers, they protect me like I'm their little sister. Except I'm with Alex. And Michael Is my best Friend, I mean Alex is also his best friend, but he can't say that around certain people because they'd get mad.
    
      But I still don't care haha. "So wavis, what are your plans today? Your mom texted and said I can come over as long as I'm 'gay' around your father, it would be nice because then we could work on that novel from English while I'm over, is that okay?" Michael said questioning. "Uhh, I don't think I have anything planned today, I guess you can come over. You just know the routine." I Said hastily. While picking my macaroni noodles with my fork.

     "Mavis, you can't stay down in the dumps because Alex moved 30 minutes away. Its not his fault, he had to live with his uncles." I looked at him. Almost with hate. "Mike, you don't even know, do you? This is my boyfriend were talking about, I never see him anymore, I'm always worrying about him. I think I love him Mike.." his jaw dropped. "Wait WHAT? Mavis I thought you had commitment issues, you guys have only been together for two months, don't you think that's too early?" I looked back up at Michael's concerned face.

     "I don't know Mike, I don't even understand what's going on with me, I'm also having these... Urges." Michael raised an eyebrow? "You mean angry urges? What's going on? Are you suicidal? I swear mave if you're suicidal I'm gonna-" I scoffed "no Mike, I'm not suicidal, this isn't angry urges... They're.. Urges" and I leaned forward to gesture a form of pushing, and he gave me a look of awe. "You mean... URGES" I nodded and told him, "I don't know what to do, i want him. Badly Michael. I sound like a hoe saying that, but I'm really needing that kind of attention." Michael leaned in to whisper,

    "whatever you do, don't get pregnant, we don't need another Alex running around." I laughed but totally agreed. I texted Alex and asked 'what are your plans' and he said 'nothing, lets do something' with a wink face. What does that mean? Is he wanting me the way I wanted him? So I texted back with 'why the wink face?' And he replied quick 'I want you Mavis, asap.' That is what he meant. I'm not going to lie, for a couple that doesn't see each other much, we can get very sexual. I'm not saying we haven't really done anything, it's just that sometimes when we hung out, he'd cop a feel, or grab my butt, not much but it still can be sexual.

     Now he's saying he wants me In a way I haven't given him yet, I'm frightened, ill be honest. I haven't given myself up to love since my ex Derek.

     He deflowered me, I lost my innocence to a complete jerk. Either way, I don't know if I'm ready to jump back into that ring. So I replied regretfully, 'I don't think I'm ready, maybe some other time?' I got a text back. 'Yeah, sure. No worries Mkay? I like you too much to lose you over something that may ruin everything between us.' I hurt him.. he wanted to surrender to my love, he wanted to match up my body parts with his as we intertwine with each other sensually all night until the sun comes up. Making pure love. But I'm not ready to make that commitment. I'm not ready to surrender myself to his clutches.

     I'm not that easy. As poking fun I replied, 'you know, you never really asked me out' and within seconds I got the notification asking 'Mavis McCain will you go out with me?' And I replied, 'DUH, come kiss your girlfriend, I miss your kisses'.. he still hasn't replied to Me, and its been four hours. It's fine, because I'm home now, relaxed. I threw away my journals, diaries, and old love letters. I've finally moved on with my life. I've finally became the person I wanted to be, and with days left in school, before spring break, I feel a sense of relief. Usually I feel stressed out on breaks, because I'm stuck with my family. But since Alex and Michael entered my life, everything has been slowly getting better.

      I can stomach being at home with my oddly dysfunctional family. Benedict looks like an egg with freckles, my father looks better than the beginning of the year, he's cut back on drinking, my mother has become ill. Cancerlike. Her hands are thin, her face is pale, she looks paper thin, she's dying. And you'd think my father would Fucking quit it with the housekeeper, nope, now it's Monday through Friday. He's a monster. My poor mother would be crushed. My mom now allows me to have my tablet, things have gotten easier for me now. Instead of writing on paper, I have an electronic version of a diary. Pretty easy to erase too. But although other than my frequent Wattpad visits, I've grown to going on Facebook and stalking people.

      Sounds a bit creepy, oh but it is. I may be with Alexander. But I still go on, just to stalk him. His awkward phases where RAWR was a thing, and weird silicon cases for your android phones, all the way up into his glorious glo up days. I have all his pictures saved onto my tablet for my viewing pleasure. Even though I wasn't there currently when they were taken, they still have sentimental value to me.

      I've noticed I've got a bit of a glo up as well. My skin has cleared up, my hair is thicker and longer, and I've lost a lot of weight. (Currently 130lbs!) I've grown into my figure, and I'm glad I'm with Alexander to flaunt it. You see, a average teenage boyfriend would not let you show anything, as for Alex, his motto is "If you're happy baby, I'm happy" and he smiles such a way that could make any girl swoon. Every time I see that smile, its like a shot to the heart.

     I guess other people can see it too, because girls always comment on his pictures, like: you'd be better off with me, or my favorite.. you can do better with a wink face! A fucking wink face?? Like am I anything to him? I texted him and I said 'hey babes, what are your plans today?' I didn't get a text back so quickly so I went on with what I was doing.. stalking Alex's Facebook.

    As the sun began to set, I looked out my window of my room, I stared at the one star that was glistening near the upcoming moon, it was a beautiful sight. You see, in my mind I visualize the different possiblities of inanimate objects and create theories on why exactly they relate to humans or human traits and emotions. For example, I feel like a lava lamp symbolizes the human emotions and how they fluctuate between emotions.

    The lava represents the brain, as the fluid represents your body. Whenever you're in distress, your brain is constantly searching for the problem, just like a lava lamp jumping from place to place in the fluid (body) and when the human is content the lava just sits, still moves but very slowly, just like the lava in the lamp when it's confided with a wall or the rim of the glass. It's a weird theory but it is something to think about. I began zoning out, thinking of what a star resembles in human beings, until I heard the chime of my phone go off.

   It was Alex.. he said 'I'm here, get in.. I brought everything we will need for tonight..wink face'