13 Reasons Why Imagines

clay jensen [1]

I know Clay has the tapes now and I wish he didn't. I'm on them and he will hate me for what I did. He keeps blaming everyone he's listened to so far and soon he'll start to blame me too.

I'm currently at my locker grabbing what I needed for my upcoming classes when I felt a pair of eyes on me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw my boyfriend, Clay Jensen staring at me. I smiled at him acting like nothing's wrong. He quickly looked away shutting his locker and leaving. I ran to catch up with him and placed my hand on his shoulder. "Hey" I spoke. He shrugged my hand away and turned to face me. "I know what you did to Hannah" he whispered. "Clay I-" "I don't want to hear it" he cut me off and turned around walking down the hallway. "Clay" I called after him but he kept walking.

I felt tears running down my face as someone put their hand on my shoulder. I didn't even have to look to know it was Jessica. I leaned my head on her shoulder as she guided me to the gym where everyone else was. She sat me on the bleachers and let me cry into her. Jessica was the only person I could talk to about the tapes. She helped me when I found out Hannah died and she was there to answer all my questions when I was listening to the tapes.

I know this is hard for Clay as much as it was hard for me. I know he loved her but he also loves me. I know he probably regrets choosing me instead of Hannah because she would probably still be alive right now.

"y/n what happened?" Zach sat on the other side of me. "Clay's listening to my tape" I confessed. "He hates me" I cried leaning my head back onto Jessica's shoulder. "He doesn't hate you y/n, he loves you" Alex spoke. "He's gonna blame me just like he's blaming all of you. God I wish those tapes never existed. I wish Hannah was still alive, and I wish I didn't do what I did" I cried. "I'm gonna beat his ass" Justin spoke I shook my head but before I could speak Jessica did. "What will that do? It'll only make things worse" "yea but at least I'll be doing something" he explained. "I'm going to try and talk to him after school. Hopefully he'll listen to me." I said existing the gym and walking to class.

After school I drove over to Clay's house. I saw his bike in front indicating he was home. I knocked on the door and Clay answered. "Go away y/n" "no you need to hear my side of the story and if you still want to blame me, if you still want to break up with me or whatever the hell you wanna do you can. Just listen to my side please" I practically begged him. He finally stepped aside allowing me to enter. I followed him into his bedroom and sat on his bed as he sat next to me.

"Look what Hannah said isn't entirely true" I started but he cut me off "you were suppose to be her friend but you ditched her for Jessica and now she's dead. All because you didn't want to help her." "That's not true. I kept trying to help her. I tried to get her to open up to me and tell me why she was so broken but she shut me out. She kept ignoring my calls and my texts and when I needed someone she wasn't there for me so I went to Jessica. I did not ditch her. I would never hurt her." I explained. By now tears were streaming down my face and I looked everywhere but at Clay. "You knew how hurt she was and you didn't do anything. You're the reason she's dead" he replied. "I know Clay, I killed Hannah Baker. I killed my best friend. There's nothing I can do. I just can't have you hating me because I love you Clay" I finally looked at him. He had tears in his eyes and all I wanted to do was hold him but I knew he wouldn't let me.

"I love you too, but I don't know if I can forgive you" his words broke me. The love of my life can't realize that I'm hurting too. "You won't forgive yourself once you hear your tape Clay. You'll start to blame yourself just like you blame me, and Justin, and Jessica, and everyone else on those tapes. We all killed her Clay, it wasn't just me."

I then stood up and walked out of the door. I got in my car and drove away with tears running down my face still knowing that I killed my best friend.

I killed Hannah Baker.