Stumbling Into Perfection...

Chapter 10

Jennifer was no closer to figuring out her feelings about Harry than she had been when she and Tracy had discussed him the day before. And instead of getting a decent night's sleep, all she'd done last night is toss and turn while she pictured Harry's crestfallen, brokenhearted face just before she'd boarded the elevator to leave.

Now sitting in Tracy's office while she finished up a phone call, Jennifer pulled her sleeves into Harry's hoodie and dreaded the moment the call ended.

What was Tracy going to ask? Jennifer knew it was dangerous to anticipate the questions Tracy was going to ask. She'd been warned against it. Jennifer needed to give honest answers which she wouldn't do if she'd worked them out in her head beforehand.

She pushed her hair out of her face when Tracy said goodbye and hung up the phone,

"Sorry about that. Teenagers." She scribbled down something on a pad of paper and looked up at Jennifer, "So..." She took a deep breath, "How'd last night go?"

Jennifer let her hand fall against the pillow she'd pulled into her lap,

"Not well."

"Harry?" When Jennifer didn't answer but instead diverted her eyes downward, Tracy nodded, "Alright, let's discuss him." Jennifer tried to hide the frown on her face but Tracy caught it anyway, "You don't wanna talk about him?"

Jennifer let out a slow breath,

"It's easier to talk about why I'm irritated with Holly or why I'm angry with my mother. Those things are established. I know what to call them. I know where they started so I can figure out how to fix them at the beginning." She shrugged, "I dunno what he is. I dunno what we are...or were. I dunno how I feel about him." She finished in a whisper.

Tracy thought for a moment,

"Do you think he was in love with you?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure?"

Jennifer looked up, focusing on the wall to her right. Tracy would keep pushing if she showed any wavering whatsoever,

"I think he might have been."

"And that's upsetting to you?"

"It's scary for me. I hurt him. I promised myself I wouldn't ruin him. He doesn't deserve me." She finished.

Tracy sat back against her chair,

"I'm guessing you don't mean that in a positive way."

Jennifer's eyes snapped in her direction,

"He deserves someone who isn't so screwed up she drinks herself into blackouts. Who can talk or experience emotions without needing a shot afterwards. I will never forgive myself for allowing him to fall for me."

"What makes you think it was your fault?"

Jennifer threw her hands up in exasperation as her anger rose,

"Who else's fault would it be?"

"Jennifer, you're not responsible for other people's emotions. You can control one thing in this world and that's you. Besides, love isn't something you can control."

"I should've never gone near him. I should have left him to live his life without ever having to know about my issues." She stopped, "But I-"

When Jennifer didn't continue, Tracy sat forward,

"What?"

Jennifer gritted her teeth inside her mouth and then relaxed her jaw a bit as she shook her head