Learn to Love (Zianourry/ Niall centric)

Chapter 17

Warning: involves cutting and other content that may be triggering for some readers.

Chapter 17

Niall's P.O.V.

I wake up the next morning and see the boys scattered around my room. I pick up my phone and see I have 2 new messages and I get really excited, knowing it's me mum. I quickly open it and my smile drops, immediately turning into a frown. She won't be back for another week. I thought she wouldn't have to travel as much this time. I get my notebook from underneath my bed and start reading over it. I wanted to memorize all the lads' kinks, I might even use them one day. The mere thought made me blush.

After about an hour I think I've memorized all of it. I look over as I see Louis stirring and I know he's about to wake up. He smiles at me after he finally gets woke up.

"G'morning, love." I blush at the name.

"Good morning" I whisper. Not long after all the lads are awake and we decide to go out as its Sunday, meaning there would be school tomorrow. We all get dressed and leave the house.

Liam's P.O.V.

We've decided to just walk around the town today. Since, Niall is rather new we decided to just show him around. I can't help but notice how sad he is. I don't know if this is making him homesick, or if he isn't feeling well, or anything else. I simply don't understand.

"Lads" I finally speak up once Niall goes to the loo. They all look to me to show that they're listening. "I'm worried. Nialler has seemed so upset all day and I don't really understand what's wrong with him. We all noticed it, but no one knew what to do. We didn't want to ask and upset him more, but we didn't want to act like nothing was wrong. Finally, we decided to just go home and see if he felt any better. We went back to his and he didn't really talk. We all just sat in his lounging room. The tele was on but it was more than obvious he wasn't paying any attention to it.

"Niall, what's wrong?" Harry finally asked. We all look at him curiously, waiting for him to answer.

"Nothing" he replies. "I think you lads should go. It's a school night and I have a bit of work to finish still." He stood up and started gathering all of our clothes and shoving them into our bags. He sat them on the chair. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"No" Louis said. We all turned to him, as he was the only one still sitting. "We aren't leaving until you tell us what's wrong." We look back at Niall expectantly and he just sighs.

"Just miss me mum, told me she'd be gone for 'nother week tis mornin'."

"I'm sorry, Nialler. Want us to stay again" Zayn asks.

"It's really no trouble at all" Harry continues.

"I'll be fine. I just need to do my school work and take my mind off it. I'll be okay, really" he smiled and gave us all a hug.

"We'll see you at school tomorrow?" I inquire. He nods and we say our final goodbye before leaving.

Back to Niall's P.O.V.

The boys leave and I crawl into my bed and pull the blanket over my head, hiding from the world. I lay there, thinking of absolutely nothing. What seems like moments turn out to be hours. Then, I hear the pattering of rain outside, and I'm drawn to it. I crawl out of bed and grab my phone clicking on. I had about 16 messages and 7 missed calls. I ignore them and look at the time. Its midnight. I throw a jumper on and put me phone in a water proof bag and slide my earbuds under my shirt and plug them into my ears. I put a key in the bag with my phone and slide them into the hidden pocket inside me jumper, then I leave; locking the door behind me. And I start walking. I just walk... No particular direction, no particular destination. Just a simple walk.

I flinch as the first drops of rain hit my skin, then it progresses to shivering because of the cold. Finally, I'm numb. I just keep walking in the rain listening to "Happier" by Ed Sheeran on repeat. As I walked all I had was time. In those moments walking, I had an infinite amount of time with no destination and an aimless direction. So, I thought. I thought when I moved here I could leave the past behind. I thought me and mum could move here and everything would be better. No more of the past haunting us, a fresh start. And I believed it, at first. I can't have a fresh start, though. I'm already too broken to be fixed. A new house, a new location, new school, nothing is going to fix me. My mum is still going to be away all the time, no matter how many people I surround myself with; I know I'll still be alone. I thought I could leave the depression, the memories, the abuse, the pain, the thoughts, the past. I thought I could leave it all behind, but I can't. I'm stuck here in this never ending circle of dullness. Everything is grey, I'm void of all colors and I can't even feel the cold raindrops against my skin due to the numbness taking over my entire body.

I walk back home and go to my bathroom. I lift the one loose floorboard and grab my small black bag, I unzip it and tears fall down my cheeks as I look inside. I pull my phone out and go to contacts, my thumb hovering over my mum's number. All I have to do is press call and she can make me feel better. She can make all this pain go away. I use to be able to make myself believe that for a while. But now, I'm starting to see the truth again. No one can help me, I'm hopeless.

I throw my phone against the wall and scream. I just want it all to go away. The thoughts, the pain, all of it. I just need to escape somehow, someway, anyway. I pull the sharp object out of the bag and press the blade lightly onto my upper thigh. Blood falls around me onto the floor. One, for believing I could leave it all, 1 for my mum always being gone, and 4 more for the hearts I have to give up. My blood mixes with my tears, and I just let myself sit there until I start to see the light from outside. Funny how the sun can still rise the next morning, when I'm still trapped in the darkness of the night.

~A/N

Don't hate me, please.

Hello, lovelies. So sorry for the sad chapter(s), it will get better though, I promise.

QOTC: Share something. This isn't a real question but I want to know each and every one of you personally.

If anyone needs to talk, I am here, always.

~All the love, Kitty xx :) <3