Mental Health

Social Anxiety

Definition~
Social anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. You could say social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being negatively judged and evaluated by other people

I knew someone who told me "It's just a presentation. It's not that difficult." Oh really? Try having social anxiety.

Try going up in front of people feeling like you're gonna cry because all you can think of is how badly people will judge you. How they're gonna laugh at you half way through or at the end of the presentation.

You look at them and you know they can see that you're nervous as hell. You try to talk but nothing comes out as your eyes start to go glossy with tears, or you get angry.

You go up and tell your teacher you can't do it but as you do, tears start to fall and everyone can see. They whisper and look at you, like watching you cry is so amusing.

Or you don't cry at all. You walk out of class and down the hall trying to get your mind off of it.

As you stand in front of or with a group of people, your chest goes tight making it hard to breath, hard to let any words come out. You take deep breaths hoping you'll calm down soon.

Someone notices how nervous you are and ask "are you okay?" Here come the tears again. Oh come on, why the hell am you crying again. People are gonna think your a baby, or you're emotionally unstable. They probably already do, you think to yourself. But maybe they don't. Hell they might not think anything at all as to why you're crying.

"Do you want to talk to someone about it? What's wrong?" Like you really care.  Who should I talk to? Do you know how hard it is to explain what's wrong when all you're doing is chocking on sobs? Trying to blink back tears as they wait for a response.

You ask someone the same damn question 10 times so you know for sure, but even after 10 times you aren't that sure. You think for some reason someone is trying to pull a prank on you.

You're not sure if the shoes you wear match your outfit so you wear something totally different. But even then, do you still feel comfortable?

You wonder what people think as you pass by them in the hall while they talk to their friends. Yeah, they may be talking to friends, but to someone with social anxiety, you think they could be talking about you. Or when you just stand at your locker emptying your backpack.

Some people sitting behind you laugh about something. Is it about you? Does your hair look okay? Is something in your hair? On your clothes?

When you're out with friends or at a parents friends house and they say "help yourself to some chips." Or "go ahead grab some dinner." And your the first to grab food. You think people are staring at you and judging you for getting some food.

You think they watch the amount of food you put on your plate, so you put half as much as you normally would so they don't judge you on how much you eat.

You lay in bed thinking of the speech you have to do, and you already feel nervous, you're gonna throw up from just thinking about it. Your chest goes tight, you have to pee, you want to stay home, pretend you're sick.

You stay up for hours, tossing and turning from thinking about every possible and impossible thing that could go wrong the next day.

You close your eyes but that's all you see. The faces of everyone staring, laughing, judging.

You stare off into space as your teacher explains something thinking about your upcoming group project next class.

You're going to have to put in your own ideas, talk, and just be a helpful group member. But you just can't.

You start to lose friends because the fight going on in your head is making your hate towards yourself for being this way go towards your friend. Not intentionally, you really, truly want to be their friend. But they don't know that.

You walk down the hall giving that friend a smile, and what do you get in return? A fake smile that they try to make real but you know, deep down, you've made them feel like you don't like them.

What comes next? They're no longer your friend. You both glance at each other sometimes when you pass by, as if you're complete strangers. And you really wish you were still their friend.

It's too late though isn't it?

It's a revolving circle everyday. And the worst part is, sometimes no one knows. Not even your parents. You keep it hidden, teachers don't make calls home and you wonder why. Why wouldn't they call and tell them what's going on so you don't have to.

But if they never do, where do you stand?

In the same spiral of events over and over. It can get to the point where you slowly block everyone away.

That's not good. You need socialization to succeed in life, to have the happiness you've always wanted. To have the job you've always wanted.

So please, do yourself a favour. Don't let it get so far that you end up having no one, being alone. Tell someone, get help.

You're not weak for wanting or needing help. It shows that you're strong enough to get better, that you want to get better. Don't let what's stopping you now become who you are. Please.

I believe in you.