Miss All American

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

“Are you hiding more things from me, Tiffany?”

Napapikit ako nang magtanong agad si Eason. Naglalakad palang kami pauwi sa dorm ko. Nauuna ako sa paglalakad. Hindi pa nga kami nakakalayo sa university nang i-bagsak na niya ang isa sa mga tanong na posibleng bumabagabag sa isipan niya nang i-reveal ko na marunong ako mag Filipino.

“I don’t even know the main reason why you left your country in the first place!”

Hindi ko alam paano ko sisimulan mag paliwanag sa kaniya. I feel compelled to tell him every single thing. Including my problems.

“And why am I even bothering speaking in English? You can understand Filipino better than I do!”

Muntikan na mag-ikot ang mata ko. Napaka-dramatic talaga nito! But, sige naiintindihan ko ang pinanggagalingan niya. I lied… well, I only lied about my ability to speak and understand their language, but that’s it.

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at hinarap siya.

Napatigil din siya at ngayon ay magkaharap na kami. Huminga muna ako ng malalim bago sinagot ang mga nauna niyang katanungan.

“Yes, I want to be honest with you. I’m still hiding a lot from you. I dedicate the rest of this day to tell everything to you, Eason. Hindi ko sinasadyang i-tago ang mga bagay na ito, but I just didn’t find enough reason to share them with you, until now. And for your second question, malay ko bakit english ka pa rin nang english d’yan,” sabay tawa sa sariling joke.

His lips didn’t even quiver for a small or sly grin. He looked very serious. Hindi siya nagsalita na parang hinihintay niya ang i-susunod ko.

Hindi ko alam paano o saan magsisimula! 

But I absolutely won’t let this day pass without explaining a single thing to him. And I would not explain it here… in the middle of the street, in broad daylight.

“How’s coffee sounds?” aya ko sa kanya.

“Life was pretty good back in the US. My parents are rich and famous so people treated me like I was some kind of queen, you know, like in cliché teen flicks from movies?” kwento ko sabay tawa.

“I had a twin sister…” and there… nasabi ko na ang isang bagay na ang tagal kong hindi binahagi kahit kanino man.

It was never a secret, but I never considered it to be something that I share with everyone I meet. I love my sister… don’t get me wrong. But after sharing about her, I’ll have to say why she’s not here with me anymore, and that’s difficult for me. I can’t say anything about her without breaking down.

“And?”

“She’s dead.”

“Oh,” natigilan siya. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” sabi ko at ngumiti. “Everything happens for a reason… I guess. I just didn’t expect that it will be a traumatic experience for me.”

Hindi pa rin siya nagsalita. He just keeps staring at me intently, wanting to hear more of my story.

“She loves this country… bakit ko nga ba napili ang Pilipinas? Pero ang unang tanong ay bakit sa ibang bansa pa ako nag-aaral? That’s your question, right?” pagkumpirma ko, tumango naman siya.

“It’s because I have undiagnosed social anxiety. Ni minsan hindi ako lumapit sa psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, kung ano man ang kailangan kong lapitan. I diagnosed myself after reading articles and books related to what I’m feeling and my actions. Nang tingnan ko ang symptoms ng Social Anxiety Disorder, parang nagconclude na ako na siguro ito na nga ang sakit ko.”