the schoolyard ➶ jenlisa (completed!)

thirty three.

l i s a

It's been a week since Jennie's gone. She never replied. I texted Jisoo, and she said her brother isn't replying either. They might have moved, or their parents came back to live with them. But, even if they did she would still text me, I guess. I didn't leave my room for days. Everything is just so depressing. I feel so empty. I don't care about anything, but Jennie. I promised her I'm gonna come to Korea during the summer break. It's summer break already, and she didn't even reply to me. I'm scared that I will never get to see her again. I'm scared that I will lose her, even though I already did, kind of. I've been hurting these past few months. America isn't for me.
But at least my mom's happy. She's planning a marriage with her boyfriend soon. I should be happy about it. But I can't be happy without Jennie.

I'll try to text her once again.

Lisa:
You're probably not gonna see this but I just wanna say that I hope you're happy and healthy. I hope you found someone who makes you happy as I wish I could have. I love you, Nini.

I sighed loudly as I sent the message.

I've been waiting for her reply for days. I knew she wouldn't reply. I knew something bad happened.
I couldn't get my mind off it. I couldn't stop thinking about her, thinking about how happy she used used to make me. I miss her. I miss her so much. I hate myself for leaving her like that. I hurt her feelings. She was hurt, and she probably still is. I can't believe I hurt her like that. She deserved to be happy, to be loved. She deserved someone who would really love her. I did. I loved her truly, with all my heart. Maybe I didn't deserve her.
But I loved her, and I still do. I always will.

(an: im cinging bye)