The Demons In My Head

Chapter 15

Taylor's POV

I'll give you All of Me, and you'll give me all of you

I listen to the slow, perfect, beautiful melody as I sit in the somewhat small plane to Canada. I stare out the window, seeing nothing but a white sheet underneath us, showing that we are over clouds.

All of Me by John Legend makes me think about Nathan. He loves John Legend, one of his favourite artists actually. Every now and then, I would hear him do some covers, all of which are John Legend, and many others that fit his perfect voice.

I miss him, he's my strength, he's my soldier, he's my life. I know that sounds clingy, but it's the truth. When I'm sad, he cuddles me, kisses my forehead and tells me everything is going to be okay.

Through my music, the captains voice, a little too loud for, well, midnight since the time change, sounds on the speakers. "We are now landing in Vancouver, British Columbia. Please return the trays and the seats in the upright position, fasten your seat belts and turn off all electronics, thank you and hope you enjoyed your flight."

I hold the button on my iPhone, sliding the screen over to turn it off. I shove it in my carry-on bag and prepare to leave this crammed airplane. I stand up as soon as it's time, and exit the tunnel almost immediately, retrieving my bags and getting a cab home. Well, it's not home to me.

I pay the cab driver before entering my empty home, locking the door behind me. On every wall, there's pictures of my parents, smiling at me as I enter the house. If only they were alive...

I put my bags down and step into the living room. I close my eyes and exhale, feeling the presence of my parents. "Please," I weep. "Please help me."

I bring my bags to my old room, touching my walls that are covered in posters of bands. From Fall Out Boy, to Katy Perry, to The Wanted. I walk to my wall, tearing all of them down, but leaving the picture of my five favorite boys, smiling at the camera. I pull out some more pictures from my bag, hanging them up around the poster. I picture of me and Tom taking shots, another of Max and I quadding together, one of Siva teaching me how to Irish Jig, and a picture of me straightening Jay's hair. Then there's me and Nathan. Tom took the picture, and I remember the exact day.

*Flashback*

We sat outside by the pool. It was summer, and a really hot one. Max and Tom played football shirtless, while Siva, and Jay hung out beside Nathan and I.

We laid on the grass, Nathan rested his head on my tummy as he laid face up, his eyes hiding behind his sunglasses. My hand played with his hair, the other one intertwined with his.

"We should play soccer," I said.

Nathan propped himself up on his elbow, his jaw dropped and his eyebrows rose under his glasses. "It's football, and you're going to play it?"

"Just because I'm not graceful doesn't mean I can't play soc- uh- football," I laughed, mimicking his accent at the word 'football.'

Nathan picked me up on his shoulder and carried me to the field. Tom passé him the ball, and Nathan kicked it around between his feet. "When you're ready come and get it, na na na na, na na na na," he sang, making me laugh at him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ton taking a picture of us, but I turned my focus back to Nathan. I manage to steal the ball, but as I ran to the net, Nathan picked me up from behind, bridal style. He kissed my lips and said "you run like a gazelle," and out me down, laughing as he kicked the ball into the net.

A tear escapes my eye, slowly trickling down my cheek as I touch the picture of me and Nathan. We're both smiling, happy. I was a different person, we both were. Now I don't know who I am anymore...I'm not that smiling girl I once was, I'm back to square one.

The sound of my phone ringing snaps me back to reality. I dig through my bag, finding my phone and looking at the caller ID.

"Hey Max," I answer, my voice rough.

"Hey Tay," he says, "are you alright?"

I wait awhile before I answer. Max has been an amazing friend, probably my best friend if I'm honest. I can share everything with him, even the stuff I can't share with Nathan.

I take a deep breath before I answer. "Are you alone?"

"No, I'm in my hotel room with Tom, but he's listening to music. What's wrong?"

I sit on my bed, hugging my knees to my chest as I speak. I tell him everything. The crying, the depression, the cutting. We both cry, probably for about five minutes straight.

"Honey I'm so sorry..." Max sobs.

"No, don't be sorry. It's not your fault, it's none of your faults. It's mine, I'm weak."

"You're not weak. You're the strongest person I know...please go to bed and get some sleep. We love you, and we'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight love."

"Goodnight," I answer with a smile.

I put my phone beside my bed,

crawling under the sheets, sleeping for the first time in a long time.

*************************************

Nathan's POV

I lay on my bed, my music blasting once again, my phone above my face. Taylor says that whenever I'm upset, I immediately pull out my phone, to avoid the subject, and I agree with her. Music drowns out the negative, and takes me away for a while.

But, no matter how loud I turn up my music, I can't ignore the annoying, constant knocking on my hotel room door, followed by Jay's voice. "Mate, please open up, I know you're in there."

"Jay, I don't want to talk to anyone, leave me alone," I tell back, turning my music all the way, but jumping when I hear a loud thud against the door, as if a shoe had been thrown.

I stand up, cursing as I make my way the door. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Look, I'm sorry, Nathan, we had no right to say that stuff about Taylor."

I let Jay in, and he sits on my bed. I grab a water from the mini fridge, tossing him one as well. "Then why did you say them?"

"Well...we just...we miss you," he answers, looking up at me.

I sigh, sitting next to him. "I still hang out with you boys," I answer.

"I know, but Taylor is always there. When was the last time we went to the club and had drinks? Since before you met Taylor. I'm not saying that it's just you, Tom and Seev have been absent as well. But I just want us guys to hang out again, without girlfriends or fans getting in the way, you know?"

As much as they pissed me off, they're right. I don't hang out with them as much anymore, none of us do.

"I guess you're right," I manage to say. "I just, I miss her, a lot."

I look down at our picture on my phone, wondering what she's doing. She hasn't called me in a while, so I couldn't help but wonder if she was okay or not.

"Nathan, she's fine," Jay says, obviously reading my expression. "Now come on, we got a show to do."

I quickly change into my outfit for tonight. Some nice dark jeans, my white converse, and a white t-shirt. For some reason, fans like it when I wear white t-shirts, so that's what I go with.

I join the lads out in the hall, locking my door behind me and shoving my room key and phone in my back pocket. Let's just hope this show takes my mind of off Taylor, which is an impossible thing to do.

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UPDATE:

Sorry these chapters are short, I just need some fillers for the big climax. ;)