I wake up to hear that a boy is missing from the block down the street. At first, I assume the worst. I think, "Dude, what if that's Anthony?", then I remember that it can't be Ant because he wouldn't just go missing. But I mean, he has talked about trying to run away before and stuff like that, but in my heart i knew he wouldn't do it. At least, I hoped he wouldn't.
"Do you know who it is?" I ask my father as I sit down at the table, waiting for my mother to serve us breakfast.
"Yes," He responds almost immediately, "I believe it is someone whom attends our own church." My father states in his very intellectual, charismatic voice.
"Well who is it then?" I ask again impatiently. I just need to know that its not Ant and then I can relax. Maybe I'll try to make up with him today, too. Man, I was such a douchebag the last time we talked.
"I read his name in the paper, its Anthony Parker," My mother chimes in, setting a plate of food down in front of me. I feel all the color drain out of me, and an anxiety attack starting up.
"What's wrong, Mason? Did you know him or something?" My youngest sibling, Aria, looks at me, confused.
"Yeah, I did." I say softly. If I talk anymore, the dam I've been holding up for so long with overflow and break.
"No one really knows why he would just disappear," My father continues to talk, shoving eggs down his throat. "He had a good life, education, family."
"No he didn't!" I find myself yelling at him. "You don't know anything about him, and the news doesn't either!"
I'm standing now, and I can feel the dam is slowly cracking. My family's expressions are all the same, confused and startled.
My mother puts her hands on my arm, trying to comfort me. "Oh, honey, please, try to calm down. They will find him." Her voice is soft but her eyes are scared. "You've come so far, baby. Please, not now..."
As soon as she says that, I rip my arm away from her and start to walk upstairs, grabbing my pills on the way up. Fat, acid tears are running down my face when I get to my room. I open the bottle with shaking hands, and swallow a couple of pills, then throw the bottle on my nightstand. I crawl into my bed and bury my disgusting face into my pillow.
My mother was right, I have come a long way. Its almost been two years since I stopped taking my pills. But I messed up. Like I always do.
-
I wake up slowly in the same position I was when I cane upstairs. I sit up, and see my pillow is wet. Gross.
"Oh, I see you're up." I hear a smooth voice say. I turn around to see my older sister, Jessica, sitting on the chair near my desk.
"Oh, hey Jess." My voice is still a bit shaky. She picks up on that, and gives me a small smile, her dimples barely showing.
"You know," She whispers softly as she walks over to me, sitting next to me on my bed. "It's not your fault. You can't control that type of stuff." She strokes my hair gently. Somehow, Jess has always felt more like a mother to me than our actual mother.
I look down, "Yeah, I guess," Some of the shaking in my voice is gone, and I start to calm down. The dam is being built again. "But I can hold it back, I have for so long, like Mother said..." My voice trails off. I don't know how to continue, so I don't. Jess gets it anyway.
"But you don't have to. Sometimes, you can't." Jess holds my cheek gently. "I don't want you to feel like it makes you weak if you can't always hold it back. Mason, you're the strongest person I know, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. Some people are going through the exact same thing as you, and they don't see that it isn't beneficial to let themselves get to a bad place. You go against the current. You have all your life. I'm proud of you for making it this far. I'm proud to say you're my brother."
I feel tears welling up in my eyes, and my vision blurs. I hug Jess tightly, crying into her shoulder. She lets me, like the amazing person she is. Notice how I said "person" and not "sister"? because regardless if she was related to me or not, she is still wonderful. She's a blessing to this planet, and having her as a sibling is only a plus. After a while, I slowly let go. I look at her sweatshirt, and see its wet. Gross.
"Sorry." I sniffle and wipe away a stray tear off my disgusting face.
"Don't sweat it."
A beam of pain shoots through my heart. That makes me think back to Anthony. Anthony makes me think back to this morning, and how I yelled at Father and about how Ant is missing. I hold in my tears, but Jess can tell something is still wrong.
"Well, I've got to get to work, okay?" She says getting up. That's code word for: I'll leave you alone now.
"Okay." I reply monotone.
"...Okay. I'll see you later, buddy." She starts to walk out of my room, then looks back at me with a knowing look before leaving. A look that says, "Go and do what you have to do."
So, I do just that. •
