Just so you know, dying doesn't feel very good. At least, I don't think it does. I'm not exactly sure if I'm completely dead. I remember falling, screaming, closing my eyes tight, hearing a loud crack, and now I can't see anything. Or feel, hear, smell, nor taste anything. All I know is, I'm uncomfortable, scared, and bored.
Hypothetically speaking, if I am in fact deceased, what if no one ever finds me? Sure, Mother and Dad will probably freak out, but no one would ever think to find me here. Mason might, but Mason probably won't care if I'm dead or alive. I'm dead to him and he's dead to me anyway, so what does it matter? Cass isn't even in this state, and she most likely won't drive over here just because I've gone missing. I know Cass loves me, but she's busy, and how would she even find out? So, those two people were my only hope that wasn't a hope, because I wasn't actually hoping to begin with, because I knew it would be useless to. Maybe I'll rot here in this very spot, in this very position, the spot and position I don't know because I can't see. Its pretty boring in here. Wherever I am. Something short of purgatory. Speaking of purgatory, I wonder now if Heaven and Hell really do exist. If they do, could God or Satan please hurry up and take me to wherever I'm going?
I probably shouldn't be thinking this way, because maybe I'm just unconscious. Yet again, if I was, I probably wouldn't be able to be thinking all of this right now. I need to stop thinking, but there's nothing else I can do. I'm starting to hate this. I'm starting to hate being alone with my thoughts. Its not very safe for me. But I don't know what I could even do, because I'm already dead.
Let me get something straight, though, I didn't kill myself. It was an accident. A mistake. But somehow, I'm not upset that it happened.
And hey, maybe reincarnation actually exists. Maybe I'll get reincarnated into a wasp, so I can sting whoever I want. Nevermind, that's a little harsh. Maybe I'll get reincarnated into a dog, so I can just be loved and sleep all day. But I guess some dogs don't have very good lives. Some get beat or are forced into fighting or literally have some of their body parts cut off. Huh, kinda reminds me of someone.
Maybe I'll be reincarnated into a whole new person. Hopefully I'll have good parents, a good house, a good neighborhood, and a good life. I hope they let me be myself. I hope they don't hit me when I mess up.
If I am to be reincarnated, how and when does that happen? I suppose I'll just be born. Maybe I'm an egg inside of my new mother. Maybe I'm already a fetus.
Or maybe, I'm still me. I'm still here. Laying on the dirty cement underneath a familiar abandoned building covered in my own blood. My eyes are pale and lifeless, just staring up at nothing. My mouth is open and blood is dripping out of it. Speaking of blood, there's a huge puddle of it coming from my skull. My neck looks broken beyond belief. So that's what that cracking sound was. I look away from my gross corpse and try to look down at myself, but myself isn't there, because I'm not there. I can't even see myself. I'm still inside my head, trying to look around at things I can't see. Do you know what it is to not feel? To be deaf and blind? Of course you don't, because you haven't been dead before. In a past life you might have, but you don't remember. Maybe you have been dead, but you don't know it. Maybe you're dead right now, walking the Earth trying to fit in when its no use because dead corpses can't fit in with living things. It just doesn't work that way. Maybe that's why I've never fit in, because I've always been dead but I haven't realized until now. Somehow, I'm glad I did. •
