The Ace of Spades

Chapter 26

Mea had read a quote in a women's magazine a few years back about growing and becoming oneself. The thing about the quote was that it wasnt actually about becoming anyone or anything, it was about unbecoming. Take off the layers, the pieces of you that aren't really you and be your raw, authentic self.

At the time it had just been a quote, words, a meaningless rearrangement of the alphabet, but now it seems more ever-present than anything. Mea is not becomng anyone, she is simply getting rid of the pieces that have clung to her for too long, wasting her youth and clouding her dreams. She is stripping the tiny embellishments that might align with someone but do not align with her.

Mea wakes up when the sun has begun to rise, the golden rays are not quite as warm as they were a few weeks ago, but the heat of them is still alive. When she wakes, she lays in the bed she slept in all summer, and she does not think about what she is going to do today. She, in fact, thinks of everything except what lies ahead Mea thinks of fluffy bunnies, Toto's love of horses and butterflies.

Her resolution to not think about Victor ends quickly. The butterflies remind Mea of cannibalistic butterflies, a topic of conversation that seems so long ago. Mea's heart thumps wildly at the thought of everything.

Everything. Everything has happened so fast. It seemed like years took centuries to pass for so much of her life. Mea's used to days lasting what could be lifetimes before the colour of the sky finally folds in on itself and another, yet exactly the same day, comes to light. Mea's accustomed to simplicity and routine.

A small voice in the back of Mea's mind wants to wonder about how things at home will change now that Viv is officially going to be apart of their lives. Mea wants to wonders how Toto will be told and how he will take it, how he'll react. Mea just can't make herself bring these thoughts to the forefront regardless of how hard she tries. It's all Victor on her mind. Victor, Victor, Victor.

Finally, Mea pulls herself out of bed. She can hear Toto talking to Mimi and Viv, telling Viv all about his first week back at school; everyone bustling around in a Saturday morning burst of energy in the kitchen below. Mea creeps down the hallway in hope that Jojo is still in her bed.

To Mea's delight, she is.

"Morning," Mea whispers.

"Morning," Jojo smiles, rubbing sleep her face and tossing her cell phone onto the bed next to her.

"How are you feeling thismorning?" Mea asks, settling down on the foot of her sister's bed.

"Sleepy but good. Did you sleep well?"

Mea catches sight of a hummingbird buzz by outside the window and she thinks how stinkingly similar the sound of her pulse is currently.

"I did," Mea says, distractedly.

Mea doesn't want to overthink but, fuck, she can't help it so she does it anyway. She is worried about details, about getting it right or wrong or how she could possibly do that and what if things don't go as planned and - will she cry?

"So, are you going to confess your undying love today or what?" Jojo asks, smirking at Mea.

Jojo's got bags under her eyes and little crusts of seep in the inner corners of her eyes. Her skin looks ruffled - though it's skin and can't be ruffled, somehow it appears as such. Below her recently awoken face, Mea knows is a mind that woke up a long time ago. Jojo sees things, she knows things, she hears tings. Jojo hears things that aren't said and she sees actions that are so small and fleeting they could have easily not happened.

"To who?" Mea asks, knowing Jojo knows everything but pretending she doesn't.

"Don't play dumb with me!" Jojo laughs. "It's like fireworks in your eyes. You've been a nut all summer."