Change (ToMark Fic)

Chapter 10

I stare at the floor, in major thought. It's been about two- three? Weeks that Mark hasn't said a word to me, and I can't help but worry if I did something wrong even more. I would like to hear from him if I did anything wrong or not, and it's killing me from the inside, I need to know. But he won't talk to me. 

A loud snap in my face by two fingers catches me off guard. I quickly look beside me and see Joel's concern face that he's been giving me as of lately. 

"You okay?" He asks. I nod. "You liking the movie?"

I nod. "Yeah, it's fine- Good, it's good." I comment, and to be honest, I haven't been watching it. Just been staring at the floor, thinking of different scenarios on what I did to piss of Mark.

He sighs. "Tom, you have been staring at the floor the whole movie. I've been keeping an eye on you." He tells me with a even more worried look. "Are you sure you are okay? These last like two weeks you have been somewhere else. What's been on your mind?" 

I keep quiet, I don't want to hurt him with the fact that this whole time I have been thinking about another boy, even if it's not anything serious, just little innocent things. Just because I'm being silent, doesn't mean my eyes are. They practically scream the answer through my brown eyes. 

"Mark?" He asks, in his tone of voice has hurt, but also, understanding? I turn away, to shield my face from him. I see him nod in my corner eye. "If your heart isn't in this but your mind is-" He gets cut off by Joel's house phone ringing on the wall beside us. Even though it's not my house, I would still like to answer. Plus it's a nice thing to do since I'm feeling like such a asshole to one of the sweetest boys on this whole planet.

"I'll get that." I tell him before I get up, I pick up the phone and put it up to my ear. "Hello?" 

"Tom, meet me in that field in a couple of minutes." I hear Mark quickly say in a rush. And before I could reply, he hangs up. I eye the phone in confusion, what was that about?

I hang up the phone, and turn back to Joel. I sit down beside him once again. "That was Mark,' I start. "He wants to meet me in the field. But what were you gonna say?" 

Joel nods. "I was going to say that," A sigh escapes his lips. "I know how you feel." I give him a questioning look or him to continue and he does. "It was a couple of years ago, I believe four to be exact. I was in your shoes. I had this huge, huge crush on this guy, Daniel. Even though it always seemed like he was into males like me, he really wasn't. I grew this really great friendship with him, and it took him making out with a chick at a party to make me realize, maybe he wasn't into me like I was into him. I never told him how I felt, because of how scared I was. Sometimes I think that maybe if I told him, he could of 'experimented' or take in consideration to tone down what he kept doing for my emotional balance until I eventually got over the crush on him. Sadly I never did, until I just stopped talking to him. Benji helped me out through this miserable process, so when you told me how you felt for Mark, I wanted to be there for you simply because I know how painful rejection is." He explains. "So if your heart isn't in this, but your mind is- Sometimes you have to listen to your heart." 

I nod, but I can't help ask myself over and over again; Should I stay here with Joel, or go to Mark? 

Somehow Joel reads my mind, because he says with a small, sad smile. "Go to Mark." 

I look up to his brown eyes, they seem really sure, understanding, but so sad. I can't deal with the fact I'm hurting him. "Are you okay?" 

He nods. "I have a feeling that this is the end of our relationship, but I really don't care. I rather be friends than nothing at all. Plus I can't lose my best friend." He tells me, holding my hand lightly, he gives me a little squeeze, that I return back. "I told you on the first day we decided to get together, about three months ago that I don't want to get in the way of what you feel for Mark. I really meant that." I nod.