Das Modell

Chapter 19

Hey guys! I want to thank you all so much for the kind reviews and the sweet comments! I was so nervous about starting this story and the fact I'm getting so many rave reviews from you all elates me to no end! And also this story has over !!500!! reads now and that's just absolutely astounding to me! Thank you all so so so much!! And I want to apologize for any grammatical errors in this chapter it's almost midnight were I live and I wanted to update before I passed out so I didn't proofread. But anyway here's the chapter and thanks again for reading!

The next handful of days flew by like nothing, it was a tedious cycle. Besides the occasional facetime or phone call from Richard; it was always just Till. I would wake up next to Till, I would eat with Till, I would talk and laugh with Till. I would have sex with Till; I constantly did everything with Till and I felt the familiar rush under my skin at his smallest actions.

Except this morning was different. There's no accurate way to describe how I felt waking up this morning. It was a feeling I knew all too well, but I could never accurately describe. All my life I've always had undeniably flagrant emotions.

I was always conveying them; regardless if I wanted to or not. I couldn't help it, its who I was. I was always stuck with excessively irrational peaks of emotions; that not only affected my ability to understand others but also myself.

I mean, how was I supposed to care about 'so-and-so's feelings if I couldn't even pinpoint my own?

Being built this way mentally, it hindered me beyond reason. It made the easiest tasks become the 'greatest turmoil' I'd come to face up to that point; even something as simple as making a decision was hopelessly exhausting to me.

I would always uselessly ponder what possible outcomes could come of the decisions that loomed over me. I would never be able to make a strong decision. I would always pick whatever seemed a little less daunting.

My erratic emotions played a big part of my character and they seemed to dictate most of my thought processes as well as everything else. I've seen the many ways I react to situations and most of them mortify me to my core.

No matter what emotion I feel; happiness, angst, anger, degradation, humiliation, whatever. I always made hasty, rash decisions fueled by nothing but raw emotions. I know one day that will cause my downfall.

The more melancholy part of my brain likes to believe I'm a person who thinks more with their heart than anything else; and that should be viewed as a good thing. But what do I do if my heart's not telling me anything? Or if it's telling me too much?

What was I supposed to do when my heart stopped making my decisions for me? When it was too clogged up with so many feelings; they were no longer feelings. They were just a big conglomerate of complicated mush. That left my heart numb with hypertension, and the other parts of my body struggling, to do anything.

What was I supposed to do when Till pulled me into his strong arms and peppered my neck with lovingly tender kisses and brushed his fingertips ever-so lightly over my body? How was I supposed to react if my body was frozen? How could I admit to myself that my stomach fluttered and my heart raced as if Richard was touching my skin.

He placed a soft lingering kiss behind my right ear before whispering "Good morning sweetheart". His voice was coarse with sleep and my stomach stirred as he pulled me even closer into his strong, loving warmth. I mumbled softly in reply to neither deny or accept the loving nickname and the sweet tone that rung in his voice.

He laughed softly before whispering again "So gorgeous... I have big plans for us today". I mumbled again. I was upset at myself for loving the way his accent muddled his English slightly.