Bad Meets Good

I Hate Him

A/N hope you guys like the chapter! I'm not sure if there's one more left or two! Shoutout to @wuttthi for the chapter help/ideas :)

Raising her forearm up, she wipes away at her tears. “I didn’t know what the feeling was at first, Harry, and now I know that it’s been you. It’s been you the whole fucking time. I swear it has been. I always get these indescribable butterflies in my stomach whenever I see you, when you smile, when you laugh, and most importantly, when you kiss me. You undeniably sweep me off my feet every time.  When I’m with you I feel like nothing else matters in the world besides us.  And I know it sounds so cliché but you seriously make me feel as if I’m the luckiest girl in the world and I love you so much for that, Harry.”

“Gosh, I probably sounded so mushy right now.”

He shakes his head at her while gently wiping underneath her slightly pink eyes with the pad of his thumbs. “You didn’t. If anything, you sounded completely genuine, as if the words were coming straight from your heart. Regardless if some of it was cliché. I wasn’t expecting for you say that you loved me, but it’s a great feeling to know you do. And as much as I want to say the same exact words, I can’t.”

His last words are like a freight train, increasing at a reckless speed and by the time her brain finally processes it, it’s too late, creating a collision. The words knock the wind out of her and the only words to barely exit from her parted lips is, “Oh.”

She goes to bow her head down in disappointment and his thumb tilts her chin up, forcing her to look into his bright green eyes. She senses the familiar feeling of her eyes faintly stinging the longer she looks at him and she tries her hardest to keep them locked in.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, London,” he says. “Fuck. I care more about you than I do about myself. Everything I do ultimately comes to down to you and your happiness. Besides the guys and their girls, you matter more to me than you think. You’re the first thing on my mind when I awake each morning and you’re definitely the last when I go to sleep, which is why I don’t want to lie to you and say ‘I love you’ when I don’t necessarily mean it. I want to be able to say it and not have to second-guess myself. I’ve made that mistake way too many times in the past and I don’t want to make it with you.”

She nods her head slowly, in hopes of masking the distraught written all over her face. She’s still upset but she sees where he’s coming from. He was honest and that’s all that really matters. It would’ve been worse if he said ‘I love you’ and there was no type of genuineness to it. No one likes the idea of being lied too even if it’s intended to protect the feelings of them. It’s a violation of trust. 

She fidgets with her fingers in her lap. “Is there a reason why you don’t fall in love so easily?”

His teeth tug at his bottom lip as his gaze shifts away from her and towards the wall behind her. “It’s…not that I’m incapable of loving someone. I just don’t want a repeat of what happened to the last person I loved happen to you.”

Granted, he does find himself loving her in the near future. However, his past haunts him the most. It’s embedded itself onto him, replaying back in his mind like a film that never has an ending. The thunderous sound of a gunshot fired. Her bloodcurdling scream ringing through his ears. The unidentified figuring running away in the distance. 

Death doesn’t faze him. He would jump in front of a bullet in a heartbeat for London, regardless of how long he has known her and if something were ever to happen to her, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. The guilt and grief would kill him to an extremity day in and day out.