December 31st | pjm

SEPTEMBER 2ND

i lied down on my bed and grabbed my phone, plugging my earphones in and blasting some music. i rolled and faced the ceiling, blankly staring at it. i was bored as heck, so i decided to check my notebook.

- september 16th

- september 2nd

- september 5th

- september 30th

and a ton of dates in september. i was tired of this month's deaths. i wanted something a tad bit further, so i flipped the pages and found it -

december.

i tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and let the corner of my lips curl up into a smirk, reading.

- december 1st.
kang joheon.

i flipped a bit further.

- december 23rd.
lee sangmi.

"oh, i know her. she's that girl who works at the coffee shop nearby." i murmured, but didn't really care. i flipped the pages again.

- december 31st.
park jimin.

"park jimin.." i paused to think for a bit. "the name's familiar.. he's my classmate, i think?" i questioned myself, ready to flip the page again.

"wait!" i stopped myself from flipping the page as i finally came to the realization who "park jimin" was.

"he's that pink haired boy in my class!" i exclaimed with wide eyes. he was the only student at school who acknowledged my existence. well - others did, but never talked to me. they were scared of me. he never showed me i was different. he always smiled at me like everyone else and treated me well.

i knew i didn't have feelings for him. "crushing" wasn't my thing. nope. but for some reason, i felt like i didn't want to flip the page. i wanted to read on.

"he's the only good person in this bad world. i won't let the only ray of hope in this world die this easily." i mentally agreed, deciding to read his death story.

december 31st.

park jimin.

death at 00:00 am.

he dies committing suicide.

"wha—!" i was shocked. i have never been so shocked in my life. suicide? the happy-go-lucky jimin was going to commit suicide? no way!

"it must be another jimin then." i concluded and nodded. in no way it was the park jimin i know.

but still - i had this feeling it was him. not any other "park jimin."

"but why?" i asked myself. "why would he commit suicide? he always seems happy and bubbly. he can't be sad. he can't be depressed. he just can't commit suicide!"

in my mind, something was off. it didn't click in my head. jimin? suicide? i kept seeing his oh-so-bright grin. no, i didn't want to, and couldn't, believe it.

i repeated the question over and over again in my head, looking for a logical answer.

"why?"

why will jimin commit suicide? does taehyung know? does jungkook, his other friend, know? does the rest of his squad know? do his parents know? i was lost.

and how? normally, the notebook would include more detail. how will he commit suicide? hanging? headshooting? overdosing? jumping? how - how will this person leave this world?

i never cared. i knew i never did. every time a person died, i'd wonder - what bad had they done? will their beloved people be sad? or unfazed?

but i never really wondered about them. they didn't matter to me. no one did. i knew their life was over. okay. good on them. i don't care.

but park jimin - he's different. he's not greedy. he's not selfish. he's not hateful. he's.. he's beautiful. not in terms of looks - but in terms of being. personality.

should i save him? can i save him? am i fit for doing something good to a human?

i've always hated people, myself included. i'm nothing but another filthy human, after all. but jimin was different. at times, i exclude him, for knowing he is a nice human. he's a good one.

if i let him die, the world will be done for.

if i want him to save this world, i must save him.

if i want him to save me, i must save him.