December 31st | pjm

SEPTEMBER 3RD

today, i saw jimin on his way to school with his friends. he seemed happy, like always.

his eye-smile is very pretty, and i always get to see it.

i walked to school alone, as usual. i prefer not to interact with others. it's just a stupid way to drain your energy. i'd rather do something productive instead of wasting my time with people.

when i arrived, i was a bit early, so i grabbed a book and started reading. les fleurs du mal was the title of it. it was a poetry volume.

suddenly, i heard quite some noise; and i knew immediately it was jimin and his friends.

"morning~!" jimin chirped, with taehyung having his arm draped over jimin's shoulder.

"good morning!" taehyung smiled widely before he sat in his seat.

jimin moved to sit next to me and waved at me, giving me his usual eye-smile. "good morning, eunbi!"

i glanced at him, and couldn't help but smile back at him, even if it was a small smile. "good morning."

"oh! you replied to me this time!" he said with his eyes widening, his smile growing bigger.

"i always do, but my voice is quite low," i said as i closed my book.

"really? then it was my bad." he grinned apologetically as his hand reached out to sheepishly scratch the nape of his neck, quite embarrassed.

"so, how are you?" i asked. i knew something should be up. the date of his death was in december. it was a suicide. nobody commits suicide all of a sudden. nobody gets suicidal overnight.

"i'm good. how about you?" his smile didn't seem to change. actually, it only grew wider. what's up with this boy?

"i'm good! today, mom is going to make a cake for me!" he grinned widely.

"a cake? why..?" i questioned.

"no reason! mom is just really nice. she's the best mother ever!" he said enthusiastically.

"oh. that's great." i said as i looked away. he really didn't seem sad or anything. if anything, he seemed quite jolly.

i opened my notebook and started to doodle things. just random scribbles, nothing special. i had no talent in anything. well, i had one talent—detecting liars. i have always been able to tell if someone was lying or not by instinct. it's not as useless as it seems, but for me, it was; since i am a loner and i don't need to know whether someone is lying or not since nobody even talks to me.

i looked over at my side and saw more people chatting happily, so indulged in their conversations that they didn't even bother look anywhere else from their friends' eyes. a sigh found its escape out of my slightly parted lips as a flashback came, hitting me like a rock.

two little girls, playing together as best friends.

one of the girls was named naeyeon—a very beautiful girl who was also very friendly.

the other was named eunbi—a quiet, timid girl who didn't know how to make friends.

a girl approached the two friends, her light brown hair swaying in the air. eunbi smiled up at the girl shyly, not knowing how to talk to her or strike a conversation.

the girl was called eunbyeol, a new girl in the school. eunbyeol couldn't make friends at first, so eunbi decided to help her.

eunbi always hung out with eunbyeol, taking naeyeon with them too. they all became best friends and started hanging out more often.

one day, neyeon and eunbyeol were wearing matching shirts and eunbi wondered why they didn't tell her about that. she also found them talking about a birthday party eunbyeol has thrown, and eunbi wasn't even invited.

with time, the things eunbi didn't know about the two became more and more. the times they all spent together lessened and lessened. eunbi started feeling left out; as if eunbyeol and naeyeon weren't her friends anymore.

she brushed the thought off, assuring herself they are her best friends and they wouldn't leave her just like that.

one day, eunbyeol and naeyeon approached eunbi again. eunbi was very happy, only for that happiness to fade away after they started to speak.

"eunbi, you're really ugly. why don't you just go and die?" eunbyeol spoke, scrunching her nose up in “disgust.” eunbi was taken aback by the statement, and felt shocked; like she had just been slapped in the face.

she laughed awkwardly, refusing to believe this was what they said. she must have misheard that, right? yeah. there is no way they could say such things. they were friends, after all.

"i'm sorry, i-i think i misheard you." eunbi smiled awkwardly, her tears threatening to fall then and there. she kept on convincing herself it was a misunderstanding, although she, deep down inside, knew it wasn't. the place was not noisy, and eunbyeol spoke very clearly. there was no room for misunderstandings and yet, eunbi tried to convince herself it was so.

"well, i'll say it again. you are fucking ugly, eunbi. honestly? you're the ugliest girl i have ever seen. just go and die. kill yourself, i don't care. i just don't want you around, for fuck's sake. just the thought of having you around makes me nauseous. not to mention the disgust i feel when i see your face. please, do the world a favor and die," eunbyeol spat harshly, shoving eunbi to the floor.

eunbi couldn't believe what she had heard. it was a lie—she told herself. this is a dream, don't worry—she assured herself. but it was real. the shock was preventing her from registering what was happening around her, and the world felt either too fast to keep up with or too slow to comprehend.

her eyes moved to the figure of her other, trustworthy best friend of years—naeyeon. she was staring down at her with a blank look. eunbi's eyes begged for help, but that help never came.

all she could do at that moment was get up and run. run like her legs had to carry her for ages. she felt devastated. her eyes finally started watering, tears finding their way over the soft skin of her chubby cheeks. her eyes gleamed because of the tears, and the corners of her mouth were curled downwards in a hurt frown. she finally came to a halt, stopping dead in her tracks. she hugged her knees as she leaned her back against a wall, her sobs being the only noise that could be heard throughout the empty hallways of the school.

'i guess even friends lie at times...'

"eunbi-yah? are you paying attention or spacing out?" the teacher called out, and my eyes widened, startled. i did not even realize when the teacher walked into the class, let alone start speaking.

i didn't know what to do, so all i did was nod apologetically. "i apologize," i muttered with guilt lacing my tone, looking down.

the teacher continued explaining the material we had while i gripped the pencil in my hand a little too hard, frustrated and upset. i bit my lips, not wanting to remember such an event. it was just a useless memory in my history of lying, disgusting humans. nothing special, anyway.

'i was such a foolish kid to believe such things as “friends” existed.'