Speech of The Unspoken

Sick Reality

      They say crushing on someone is like being in a relationship from afar. But I can't seem to get my head around the sick reality that we could never happen. I am one of them and he is an athlete. Well an athlete in my eyes.
      Yes, he plays golf. Only for highschool though. He doesn't want to make it his profession. I don't know what he wants to be when he grows up, I imagine him being a writer or at the very least an artist. Now I haven't seen any of his art pieces, but if you look at his hands you can see the small indentions from where he holds his pencil when he sketches. So maybe we have a small chance, but I'm nothing more than a pity case.
     He looks like how somebody that in highschool golf. Plenty of freckles around his face with pale skin, brown eyes, and brown hair parted to the left. Always smiling and never letting what happened to me, happen to him.
     I first noticed him when I was walking in the cafeteria heading to my table. He definitely didn't notice me but I noticed him. I don't know what made me start crushing on him. I guess it was the fact that when I did get caught later that week casually peaking over at him, he smiled and frowned slightly when he noticed I was alone. Or maybe it was when he started saying hi to me in the hallway every time he saw me.
     That smile and wave that I got every day made my days just a little better. I had to deal with a class full of fashionistas and brats for the first three periods of my school life in fashion and textile design. Not the best time of my life but still fun as long as I had my music and latest edition of 'Harper's Bizarre.' Definitely the easiest class in the world to take. It combined my two favorite things together, fashion and easy A's. 
     I noticed how he would sit at almost a different table everyday. At the table he would be currently sitting at, all the students would be laughing and smiling. I guess he wants to make other people happy too.
     I shouldn't have been so surprised when he decided to sit at my lunch table with a few of his friends, but I was. He sat there that day making jokes and looking straight at me while he said it. Occasionally tapping the side of my foot with his. His friends spoke very little words, only their laughter filled the air. These friends of his were unique in a way. They were each from a different clique. Might as well say my table had just become the new American melting pot. You have the gamer, the brainiac, the athlete and an unspoken.
     I never once imagined I would be the one to start the change in Clemine Highschool. Well I guess he did. He was the one who sat with an unspoken. He tried to hold a conversation with me. It ended with only him speaking and asking me simple yes or no questions that I could just answer with a gesture from my head. His friends also tried speaking to me. The gamer asked me if I was interested in some game that was popular at the time. I politely shook my head no, and moved my attention back to the golfer.
     The brainiac was the next to grab my attention. He tried sharing his goldfish with me, sliding the bag over to my side of the table giving me a small smile. I looked at him, now noticing his smile was very similar to the athletes. His skin a rich olive color and green eyes complimenting his chocolate-like hair, I never did obtain his name that day. He dressed like a modern hipster, beanie and all, nothing nerd-like as I had expected. He also gave me slight nudge with his foot against mine and tapped the table a few times giving me a worried glance when I never reached for the goldfish.
     I really didn't want to act the way I was that day. I just didn't want to get attached or allow them to get attached to me. They couldn't be around someone like me, I could have potentially ruined their lives. His friends and him could have lost everything just by sitting with an unspoken. Multiple times.
     A few days passed and the guy who always had the cheery smile and dimples had completed his rounds once again, and once again decided to sit at my table. My table now wasn't starting to feel so lonely. He returned asking the same questions he did the first time, the gamer telling me what games were in and which he found the best, and the brainiac offering me his food.
     And the next day he was gone, his friends gone, and the loneliness returned. This cycle went on for months. Every time they sat with me at the melting pot table, they would take turns sitting next to me, getting a chair closer each time until they could tell I was comfortable with their presence. When I broke out of my shell, I scared them. Mainly him, the athlete, the first person to hear me speak or gain any type of interaction from me.
     Social media, the one place where people connect with people all across the world. For me, it was for the athlete that sat beside me on some of the days. I kind of stalked him for the longest of time until I finally got the nerve to follow him on Instagram. It took a few days for him to follow me back but he eventually did. It took me another week and a half to finally send him a message.

Hey

     Simple, easy, and painless but the thing is, it took him only seconds to responds.

Hi

     I stared at that message for I don't know how long. From what I thought was minutes, was hours. He messaged me back. He took time out of his busy schedule to talk to the unspoken, me. Me, out of all the people at Clemine Highschool​ he could respond to, it was me.
     Once he saw that I read it, he immediately began typing and I could see the typing bubble that made my heart race and my palms sweat.

How are you doing today?

     He cares. But why? Somebody like him the athlete, care about an unspoken like me.

I am okay.
How are you?

     Once again it only took him seconds to respond.

I'm actually doing great, thanks.
    
     This doesn't surprise me. He is always happy, how could his day be nothing short of greatness? I don't think I have ever seen him without a toothy grin on his face. I've only ever seen him smiling and laughing with the crinkles by his eyes accentuating them.

If I may ask, why is it that you sit alone?

Do you want the truth? Or the excuse that I tell my parents?

The truth of course...

Because I am not one of you.

One of us? What do you mean?

I am not one of you, the popular kids.

That doesn't mean you have to sit alone.

It's not like I want to.

A girl like you shouldn't have to sit alone.

I deserve it.

You do not deserve that.
That's why I sit with you.

You sit with me because you feel bad for me, thanks. Remind me to get a new table that doesn't get a weekly visit from you and your friends.

That is not what I meant Ludmilla.
I promise.

How do you know my name?

Your name is in your profile and we go to the same highschool.

Oh.

I guess your not used to someone knowing your name?

I am.

Then why did you seem concerned that I knew your name?

Because I do not know what you have heard about me.
I have to go get dinner ready for the family.
Bye.

We are going to finish this conversation later.
And yes, by later, I mean after you have ate your dinner and you are in the right mindset.
And I'm not kidding either Ludmilla, later.
I promise.

     He did message me then after dinner. I answered most of the questions he asked. Most of them. I didn't answer all of the questions concerning about why I avoided his question before I went to cook dinner. I didn't ask him anymore questions for the night.
     I do not think that I should have talked to him in the first place. It was all a big mistake. He was going to loose everything just because of me.
     But then he sat with me once again, and after that he always sat in the seat right next to mine. Every day when lunch time came, he took the seat beside mine, and offered me a bite of his meal that he had gotten through the lunch line. I never did take his offer up until I finally realized he truly did care. And he messaged me every day. The cycle never ended and sadly, he joined our carrousel of gloom and despair.

Rye Bookingnoel