For A Star To Fall

Chapter 23: What I Owed You

Chapter 23

Jordan's mouth hung slack as he took in her expression--well, not really expression, because her face was still eerily blank, apart from a faint trembling in her bottom lip. But...her eyes, they were a warm, chocolaty brown that sucked him in like he was stuck in quick sand, and he did not even want to stop himself. 

He searched for something to express himself with, trying desperately to remember how to use basic English. Emyle's walls were down now and everything that she felt was displayed to him in the ebony pools of her eyes. For the first time, her emotions were laid bare to him, and Jordan suddenly realized that all the other times he had thought that he could see what she was feeling were all either pretended or only a fraction of the amount she felt. Jordan now knew that he had been wrong when he thought that Emyle was cold and emotionless. No, it was evident now that Emyle was neither emotionless nor cold. Contrary to that, Jordan saw that she could feel, truly feel, to the depths of her being. No one could be emotionless. 

"Father always said that nothing would break him. But he was tortured. He was in pain. I could do nothing, Jordan. I could not do anything," she said and her voice was steady, but her face twisted. A painful, wrenching sound came out of her throat. It was keening cry, one that spoke of utter, bone-deep helplessness, a shattering kind of pain and torture that was worth a lifetime. "I failed him," she told him and wrapped her arms around herself. Jordan's jaw tightened. He wanted nothing more than to leap forward and sweep her up into a bone-crushing hug and keep her safe and protect her and make sure that she never got hurt ever again. Emyle suddenly looked so small in his chair, her head bowed and her dark hair covering her face. The world had been too cruel to this girl, Jordan felt, this girl that was so fragile and vulnerable and downright terrified for her dad. 

Moving closer to her, Jordan crouched down and put his free hand under her chin, tilting her head up so that he could look into her eyes. Her black hair fell back to reveal the pale moon of her face, and her eyes were a dark brown shot through with black. The look in her ebony eyes was haunted and broken and completely exposed to his scrutiny. With a soft release of his breath, Jordan leaned in so that their noses were almost touching. Her black orbs widened in surprise and confusion and for a minute the grieving expression in them was covered and buried underneath the two emotions. Jordan almost drew back in relief, but, all too soon, the sad look was back and he found that he could not move away. 

"It's not your fault that you weren't able to do anything, Emyle. It's okay. It's fine. You're fine," he murmured gently and tried to stop himself from reaching up and cupping her face. There was no need to push her limits. Then her eyes hardened and Jordan panicked for a second, thinking that he had said something wrong and she would push him away and revert back to her normal guarded self.    

"No, you are wrong. It is my fault. It is all my fault. Father will despise me. I disappointed him. I failed him," she said. Jordan thought that he heard a type of stubbornness in her voice, but he pushed it away. Emyle would not be stubborn in this kind of situation, would she? Unless...Jordan remembered what Dr. Valin had said: Everything that has happened to her since that night is all your fault, Aaron. Your fault. So Dr. Valin blamed Emyle's dad for all of this, including why she was here in the first place, and surely there would be a good reason behind all of that. But what if Emyle did not want to believe that? What if she wanted to think better of her dad, so she thought that the fault was hers? What if she would rather blame herself than blame her dad? Wow, really profound and psychological, Jordan thought. His thoughts were getting deeper the more he interacted with Emyle. It was queer and unfamiliar, but for some reason he never wanted it to stop, as long as it meant he could understand Emyle better. Because she made him curious. And his curiosity would always be his weakness.