i will not be a goner // tøp

4 | .... . .-. .

It's been three months since I met Josh, and despite my brother's predictions, Josh and I have grown even closer in our friendship.

"Let's go somewhere after school, Tyler." Josh whispers softly one day, not wanting to gain our French teacher's attention. The teacher will probably give out a detention straight away if someone so much as breathes too loud. Josh is being risky. It would be much safer to pass notes.

I raise my pen, gesturing to it so Josh gets the idea, before putting it to the paper.

'Sure. But where would we go?'

'I want to show you a cool place I found.'

'It's snowing out there, Josh.'

'That's why I want to show you today.'

I frown at Josh, who gives me a cheeky grin before turning back to his worksheet on French verbs. I'm not quite sure where Josh is planning to go, but I trust him enough to believe it's going to be a good surprise.

--

"Allonsy!" Josh shouts as we head down the snow-covered sidewalk towards where ever Josh is taking me. My head tilts up slightly as I laugh at him, causing a snowflake to fall straight onto my eyelashes.

"What?" I giggle, and Josh starts to explain.

"Allonsy is French for 'let's go.' The verb for go in French is allez. Je vais is 'I go.'" Josh smiles proudly, obviously pleased with the knowledge he gained from the French verbs worksheet.

"What's 'we go' again?" I ask, trying to remember myself, but failing.

"I think it's 'nous allons.'" Josh frowns, trying his best to remember.

"Ensemble nous allons." I mutter.

It is Josh's turn to be confused. "What's that mean?"

"Together we go." I grin, and Josh returns it, maybe impressed with my French skills, maybe just happy that we are going somewhere possibly exciting together. Another snowflake falls on my eyelashes, but I don't notice it as much this time around.

After a few moments of silence, Josh speaks up.

"It's right up here." I look around at our surroundings. Besides the small road that we were walking along, I could only see snow and trees.

"What is?" I ask, but Josh just puts his finger to his lips, indicating for me to be quiet. Josh leads me off the path, into the endless abyss of white snow and spruce trees.

"Ah, so this was your plan all along, to lead me out into the middle of nowhere so you could murder me." My sarcastic tone makes Josh chuckle, but he doesn't say anything.

"Here we are," Josh pulls back a branch, causing a little bit of snow to fall from the tree. We enter a clearing, and my eyes shine with wonder. The ground is covered with a thick layer of pure white snow, glittering in the late afternoon sun. As my eyes travel upwards, I notice the dark spruce trees with their dark olive coloured leaves frosted with more of the shimmering snow. They reach to the sky desperately, closing in as they got higher, creating a window to the cloudy sky above our heads.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Josh sighs with awe, and I turn my head back to face him. He is taking in the clearing with his eyes brighter than the glistening snow.

"Yeah, maybe." I shrug a little, looking around again.

"What's not to love about this place, Tyler?"

"I dunno." I sigh, looking up at the trees. "It feels like the trees are trying to escape. Like they're trying to find their way out of the clearing but they're all battling each other to get out. It feels miserable."

Josh puts his arm around Tyler's shoulder, using his free hand to point at the trees. "You're reading it wrong, Tyler," Josh is still grinning at his surroundings. "They are reaching, but they're reaching for the sky. They aren't fighting each other, they are collaborating to create a safe place for us, Tyler. They are souls, breathing just as we are. This clearing is so beautiful because it's alive."

Josh pulls me down into the cold wet snow and I shiver violently, about to protest before he speaks again.

"Close your eyes." He whispers, and I obey. We must look strange to the trees, two teenage boys sitting cross-legged in the snow.

"Listen!" Even though I can't see it, I know Josh is smiling. I force myself to concentrate, and slowly I start to feel it. What Josh is feeling.

"Can you feel the breeze as it brushes against your cheek?" The wind sweeps past my face, bringing cool air and some fresh scent that reminds me of a past memory. I breathe it in, and continue listening to Josh's voice.

"The distant sounds of the birds," he adds, and I listen to them chirp far off into the forest.

"But most of all, the trees." Josh stops speaking, but he doesn't need to continue. I'm already feeling everything he is and he doesn't have to utter another word.

I hear everything come together. The wind rushing through the tree branches with the birds tweeting over our heads. It fills me with life. I feel the energy of the clearing, the roots of the trees travelling towards me and giving me more vitality, and I inhale the power of the breeze.

"They're alive." I laugh, and Josh joins in as we chuckle over how stupid we sound. We lay back in the snow, starting to spread our arms and legs to make snow angels.

"What a great thing it is to be alive," Josh sighs with contentment.

[AN] I listened to some self titled songs writing this chapter and I'm appreciating how pretty the album is (for the hundredth time in my life but oh well)

Edit like a year later: I had this written ages ago but even tho this writing sucks i still want to finish this book soo