Sharing Scars

4-Leah

4—Leah

Nate had been meeting me every Monday through Thursday, after school for a month now. Spending time with him, in such close quarters, four days a week was wreaking havoc on my nerves. After the first couple days, he had washed his hoody and he started using cologne to try to cover up the cigarette smell. Just yesterday, I didn't notice any cologne and his hoody smelled like detergent. So I'd asked him about his cigarettes and he'd simply shrugged and said, "I figured I'd give quitting a shot."

I smiled, remembering that he'd looked a little embarrassed. Was he quitting smoking because of me and, if so, why? We hadn't talked about our personal lives much, both agreeing to try to keep things professional. If I was nothing but his tutor, then why did he care what I thought about him and his nasty cigarettes? A tiny piece of me hoped that he was starting to look at me differently. I'd gotten distracted several times recently, from our nearness and the way his gravelly voice made me shiver. It would only be fair if he might be effected by me too.

I entered the library, intending on reading until six, as today was Friday, which meant no tutoring. My eyes widened to find Nate in our spot. I frowned, "What are you doing here?"

Nate looked a little embarrassed as he said, "I just thought, maybe we could talk about other things today...instead of just my school work. Unless you have other things to do. If you need to study or whatever, I can go?"

"No! Don't go!" I tell him in a rush and apologize when the librarian asked me to quiet down. I quickly sat next to Nate and smiled, "So, um, what do you want to talk about?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. Anything. Whatever. Where are you going to college next year?"

I cocked my head to the side, in wonder. Did he really want to know what my future plans were? He really wanted to talk about college with me? If only I knew how to answer the question. I sighed, "I don't know what my plans are yet."

His eyes widened, "I just figured you'd have your future mapped out to the finest detail. You just seem so organized and there I go, assuming things about you again."

"No, you're right. I'm very organized." I paused, debating about how much to tell him and decided, screw it, as I told him bluntly, "The reason I don't have a plan for next year is because my dad is a jackass."

"You've mentioned that nothing less than an A in every class, on every project, will do. I just figured he'd want you to go to college."

I shook my head, "If I went away to college, then he couldn't control me. He's offered to pay for my college, if I stay local and live at home. Otherwise, I'd be on my own."

"Can't you apply for scholarships?"

I shrugged, "Maybe, but I doubt I'd be able to get enough to cover my whole way and I have no money otherwise."

"You could get a school loan. I think you should look into. Between a loan and scholarships, I think you could make it work."

I smiled, "Listen to you, pushing me toward higher education."

Nate smirked, "Yes, well, my tutor has convinced me that school can be a good thing."

My grin widened, "She sounds pretty smart."

He nodded, "Oh she is, but she doesn't know how to have fun."

"Is that so?" I asked, with a chuckle. Were we flirting?

Nate nodded, with feigned sadness, "That is definitely so. She doesn't know how to be bad either. It's a real tragedy. Lucky for her, she has her own tutor at her disposal."

"Oh yea?" I asked, perking up. Where was this going?

"Yes ma'am, if only I could talk her into sneaking out tonight. I'd take her to this raging party, get her drunk for the first time, and maybe teach her a couple other things along the way." He said grinning.

My eyes widened and I whispered, "I couldn't."

"Oh you could, but will you?" He taunted.

Did I dare agree to this? Could I really sneak out and actually experience what my classmates were experiencing? I didn't care about getting drunk, but sneaking out to attend a party sounded fun. Maybe Nate was right. I realized that I had no idea how to have fun. What if my dad caught me sneaking out or sneaking back in, though? Honestly, though, what's the worst he would do? He already treated me like dirt. Could it get much worse?

"Damn, Princess, I didn't even have to try that hard and I can tell that I've already reeled you in." Nate said smugly.

"Alright, Mr. Smarty Pants, so what's the plan?" I asked, not bothering to pretend like he wasn't correct and I'd long since given up on getting him to stop calling me Princess. He had me, hook, line, and sinker. The question was, how much did he have me? I looked at his crooked grin and unruly hair. I felt a little light headed all of a sudden.

"Well, for starters...I'm sorry, Babe, but you've got to get a different wardrobe." He tells me, as his eyes roam down my form.

Today I wore a button up, flannel shirt that was at least two sizes too big. It was red and black. It had always kind of made me feel like a lumber jack. My black skirt was big, blousy, and went all the way to my ankles. I sighed, "I don't own anything else. My dad won't let me."

Nate was silent for a couple minutes until he said, "Alright, don't worry. I'll make a couple phone calls and bring you an outfit to wear." He then bent to dig around in his backpack. He hadn't even used a backpack until after I'd started tutoring him. That thought made me smile, but then he handed me a piece of notebook paper and pen. He instructed, "Draw a layout of your house, so I know which window belongs to your bedroom."

I looked at him, bleakly, "Nate, my bedroom is on the second floor."

"Does your window have a balcony or any kind of ledge? Does your house have a trellis near your window?" He asked.

I thought about it and shook my head, "No trellis and no balcony, but it does have a small ledge. Not enough to stand on though."

Nate nodded, "We'll make it work. I've dealt with some third story bullshit before, so the second floor isn't that bad. Getting down is easy, it's getting back up that might prove difficult, but we'll manage."

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and I said, "Nate, I don't know if I can do this."

"Look, Leah, I'm not going to force you to do anything. I know a keg party really isn't your scene. So you don't have to go, if you don't want to. I don't know what it's like living in your household, but I know what it's like living in mine. If I don't get out and blow off some steam sometimes, then I might...I just don't want to end up standing in the middle of my bedroom with a knife to my wrist again. So I go out sometimes. Yes, I do things I probably shouldn't, like drink and...other things, but it helps keep me sane. I haven't been to a party since you started tutoring me."

My eyes widened and then I grinned sheepishly, "So not only did I get you to stop smoking, but I killed your party life too?"

Nate rolled his eyes, "Something like that. So what time do your parents go to bed?"

I shrugged, "Usually by ten, but I'm usually up in my room well before nine. Sometimes because I can't stand to be around my dad, but other times because my dad sends me up early."

"Alright, I'll be by your place at 9:30 and I'll make sure you don't fall to your death, when you climb out your window. That will give you enough time to change before the party. Now, I'm going to go before you can talk yourself out of it. 9:30." He stated and then left before I could say anything further. He'd grown to know me pretty well. At least well enough to hightail it out of here before I have too much time for second guesses. I shook my head and opened my book, hoping to distract myself from worrying about what I'd gotten myself into.