Perks of the Job

Chapter Twenty-Four

One of the reasons I hated Massachusetts was the weather. For the most part, it was fair, but this year, mother-nature was especially bitchy.

We knew that we'd be getting snow, and a lot of it, but THIS MUCH?! We'd easily gone through our allotted, five snow-days, plus some. Spring break was looking bleak and the fact that the flakes were still falling without signs of letting up anytime soon didn’t do much to help; in fact, it only made things worse.

Usually I would walk to and from work since I lived so close, but these days I was stuck relying on my unreliable brother to get me to Maxine's then get me home afterwards.

"I can't believe it's snowing again." I looked up to see Nick staring into the night sky, the stars barely visible behind the thick snow-clouds. His breath poured out in soft, white puffs against the cold air as he pulled his black jacket tighter against his body.

Maxine's had closed for the night, but she stayed behind to do a little paper-work. She offered for us, being me and Nick, to wait inside for our rides, but I didn’t mind the cold much and Nick, for whatever reason of his own, had refused as well.

We stood in the cold February air as the delicate flakes of snow fell around us, a few getting trapped in our hair and onto our coats. "Well, it's been a crazy winter thus far; I'm not really shocked," I answered him. He turned to me and started to walk towards me. He had his hands shoved so deeply into his pockets that I was starting to wonder just how big they were.

I looked up to him, tilting my head to be able to see him from the nearly foot and a half height difference that separated us. I felt like I hadn't seen that much of Nick lately, what with us barely working regular shifts together anymore.  It was now that I noticed that his hair had grown out a bit; not too long though. It was just enough to add a little 'sexy' to his look.

As he towered over me just slightly, I felt my breath start to catch in my chest. I blamed in on my asthma mixed with the cold, snowy air, though the real reason was standing right in front of me. I watched at the snow fell onto his hair and passed swiftly and gently by his already icy eyes. He stood about two feet from me and, although I'd want nothing more than to close that space and wrap my arms around him, I stood still as a stone.

Have you ever gotten the overwhelming and nearly uncontrollable feeling to just grab someone? Not grab them in a horrible, badly intentioned way, as though to hurt them, but just to hold them? Just to see how it feels for them to be in your arms, and you safely snuggled in theirs? Just to be close to them, feeling them against your body?

It was like that with Nick, now and almost always. For the past few weeks, I had reluctantly fought, with strained success, the urge to hold him, touch him in any way. Even in passing a piece of paper off to him, I'd be careful not to let out fingers graze one another's. I think it was because I was scared.

I was scared to touch him and finally feel the electric release of endorphins I knew that I was going to want a lot more of. I was scared to reveal for even just a moment in his touch, knowing that it would not only be accidental, but likely to never happen again.

And this was why, even though I found Nick slowly inching his way toward me; taking steps so small and so seldom that I almost didn’t even notice, I was stepping away.

I was putting back the space between us, fighting my desires to be near him, to touch him or be touched by him. I wasn’t about to let myself indulge in this one moment of contentment only to never know the feeling again. I told myself that he didn’t know what he was doing and that moving away, adding distance, was only for the best.

If things were different, and I wasn’t such a pansy, I would have let it happen. I would not only have let Nick come closer, I would have jumped into his arms. The cold was getting to me and, in all honesty, I would have loved nothing more than to be wrapped warmly in his arms as the romantic scenes of snowfall played out before us.

In fact, not only was this the perfect time for closeness, this was the perfect time for a kiss. I'd never been kissed in my life and I'd always wondered what it was like. I wanted nothing more than to reclaim my closeness to Nick and plant one on him, but there were a few faults in my plans. One, I didn’t have the guts. Two, my boss could probably see us if anything happened, and let me tell you; Maxie was a gossip if I ever heard one. And three, there was absolutely no way in hell that Nick would ever go for it.

He was way too shy and probably, no, DIDN'T like me in that way. I wasn’t about to go embarrass myself like that; not that I would have had the guts anyway, though it would have been hella perfect.

So instead I retreated to my side of the entrance and left Nick to himself. I watched him as he started to take small steps backward, realizing that he'd invaded my comfort-zone. Some progress I was making.

I indulged myself in a little fantasy anyway. Just cause I couldn’t actually have him, didn’t mean I couldn’t think about it, and boy, did I think about it. So much in fact that it wasn’t until I heard my brother's car horn did I finally come to and recount where I was.

The snow was still falling hard as I looked over to Nick who offered me a slightly, sad? Strained smile? "That's my brother," I told him, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, uh," he fumbled for his words. "You should probably get going before the snow gets to bad."

"How are you getting home?" I asked, hating the idea of him sitting out there in the cold all by himself.

"Uh, my mom's coming. Oh," he said as something caught his attention. "There she is." Just then, a car pulled up with a woman who more than resembled Lorraine, Nick's sister.

"Okay, well," I breathed in the cold air. "I'll see you then."

"Yeah, see you."

And then it was over.