Shattered

Chapter 10

Lee

I was staring at the ceiling when they all came in, Carter holding our son, Matt. I hadn't seen him yet. I wasn't even supposed to be awake. I closed my eyes, I couldn't face them, I wasn't a whole person, not anymore. I was completely shattered. I don't know why they didn't let me just die. "I know that you are awake, Lee. You open those eyes and you look at me right now." The General's strong voice commanded me, so I obeyed, once a soldier, always a soldier. 

"I know what you are thinking and I don't like it. Do you remember what I told you the day you came home from the hospital after Fallujah?" I nodded, I would never forget those words. "They still apply, Lee. None of this is your fault and your sacrifice was more than worth it, over there, you saved hundreds, here, you saved one, Matthew, your son. A life that matters more than any other. Now, you stop feeling so damned sorry for yourself, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get back to walking so that you can chase your son around, walk down the aisle at your wedding when I give you away to the best man for you." I groaned, "Yes, Sir." I heard Jackson snort at the end of my bed, "Yeah, Leelee, just put on foot in front of the other." Grant chuckled, "Baby steps, baby sister." Davis laughed with Carter, "You all are sick." 

Carter brought Matt over to me, "Hold our son, Lee. He needs you to be strong and so do I, we will lean on each other, we will get through this." The next few weeks were the hardest of my life. I had to learn to walk all over again, with a prosthetic leg. It hurt at first, I had phantom pains, sometimes, my foot would itch, then I remembered it was gone. Carter was there as much as possible, but the General was there every day. He finally retired and became the nurse from hell. He pushed me and pushed hard. He helped me, but he wouldn't let me lean too much on him. 

Matt was a wonderful baby, happy and growing quickly. The wedding date was set for three months after Matt was born so that I would push myself. I had a regular leg for walking and a special prosthetic for running. I wanted to run the course. Everyone told me no, it was too much, but the word 'no'meant nothing to me, I would do it. I was discharged from rehab because I was at their standards for normal. The General disagreed, so he took me to the gym on base every day. 

They had some sections for soldiers like me, missing parts, but I never touched it. I wanted to do what I could do before I lost my leg. I wasn't going to become one of those people who did the best they could for someone with a disability. I was going to be the person who did the best I could despite the fact that I was missing my leg. I worked hard, the General pushed harder. "I want to run the course, no more gym, no more babying me." He scrubbed his hand over his face, "Fine, but no crying when you can't do it or if you get hurt." I nodded and he drove me to his house. I stood at the beginning, staring down the path, looking at each obstacle as if it was the first time I had seen it. 

I ran and fell. I pulled myself back up and hit the first obstacle and fell. I started again, and again, and again. I was bruised and bleeding, but I made it through in about an hour. I was pissed. I could run it before in ten minutes. I started again, they tried to get me to quit, but every day, I went back. Every day, I fell, but every day, I got better, faster, surer of myself. A week before the wedding, it was the middle of summer, hot as hell, I challenged my brothers to the race. They had been in and out of the last few weeks and didn't know I had been running it, only the General and Davis knew. Carter knew I had been training, but not running the course. 

The early morning sun shone over the gleaming course as I stared it down, my brothers on each side of me, "No matter what, give it your best, don't help me, don't stop or slow down. This may be your chance to beat me and don't even think about giving up and letting me win or I will hurt you." I told them and they looked at the General, he nodded, "You know the rules, we go all out or not at all." Then, the race started and I went balls out. I didn't pay attention to the General, my brothers, Davis, Carter or even Matt. I focused on the job ahead of me. I didn't fall once. I didn't slow, I kept full speed ahead and when I reached the end, I was alone. I looked behind me to see my brothers barreling through the second to last obstacle, so  I turned around and went back through it, back to the start. 

The General was waiting, arms open and I flew into them, sweaty and nasty, he hugged me. "I have never been more proud of you, Soldier." Tears streamed down my face, I was still me, I was still a soldier and still a whole person. He released me, only for me to be grabbed by Carter, "You are amazing, I love you, Lee." Grant and Jackson just finished, "Christ, Leelee, you can't even let us win, not once since you were fourteen. One day, I will beat you." Jackson panted out. Grant fell to the ground, "I'm dying, the gimp beat me, again." I kicked him in the side and he let out a whine.