Red Flowers

A burden

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You said you'd be there for me,
yet you lied.
You lies square in my face and I was too blind to see it.
You didn't care.
You never did.
All you wanted was attention.
To find someone to humiliate in such ways, it can physically hurt too.

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A girl or not.
Human or not.
Emotional or not.
Soft or not.
Girly or not.

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You never cared.
All you ever did was use me for attention.
Hurt me in ways for people to praise you and notice you.
Never once thought about what I must've been going through.
Never once have you apologised, truly apologised.
Yet when you did, you were hesitant.

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There are days in which I believe your words.
Considering them.
Contemplating whether or not to do them.
When, finally I did, all you did was discard me as a broken object.
Never once to look back to and think if I were okay or not.
Just another mistake in the past never to be mentioned again.

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Countless nights.
Countless night have passed,
Of me staying and overthinking.
Wondering how your lives would be if I stopped existing.
How much happier everyone would be with me, a burden, out of the way.

Countless nights.
Countless nights have passed,
Of me pondering over if you ever considered my emotions in the slightest.
If I ever mattered at all?
If you ever cared?

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A discarded toy, that what I was to you, just someone for you to play with and step all over.
Never have you once considered me and a human, as someone who can actually feel pain.
Treated as a joke. A mistake. A burden. A selfish girl who just wanted attention.

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Restless nights have passed of me building up a wall for the upcoming day to act strong.
To be strong.
For myself.

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Not once has anyone actually saw through the wall and asked if I were okay.

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A bright smile was plastered on my face 24/7.
But as soon I was tired of wearing it, I wasn't 'fine'.
I never was to begin with.
What would a small smile change anyway?

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