Peaceful rest....Diary 2

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by crazy_sisters_

by crazy_sisters_

Dear Diary,

I know I am crazy for having these thoughts of suicide every teen does but mine is worse I don't feel like I did right in my life if I was with my mom that day completely I could have changed my faith ease the pressure off my life my dad was a dead man to me now all I have is aunty may and my sisters which I think I am burdening them they yelled at me today I know they are having a hard time managing work and all but they are never like this maybe I should do make me feel better release the pain not kill myself until I am sure so I am using a knife not a razor its too movie like they say consult an adult but all adults do is judge so I am taking my own problems head on as I am about to comfort my pain I already feel relived one stash two and three the pain goes away but the burden forever stays as I write there is more pain but it is silenced out to see your own blood dripping on your book should not give you pleasure that's why I need help but no one offers it I tell people I'm depressed but they just ask why and then brush it off

When will it stop the pain or guilty you might ask no my heart beat I don't deserve such a life

#later that day#

I tried

Everything I do I fail my sisters hate me maybe I toke it the wrong way but at this point I'm very fragile so I'll believe everything so I'm ending this diary to say I killed myself without a tear to my eye or a breath to my lung I am weak no doubt so that's my secret

I know your wondering how I'm writing its simple a few weeks ago I said I would kill myself by overdose of medication but Ten saved me I got my stomach pumped I'm also under suicide watch I told them everything how I felt neglected and all but not about the diary for any one who is reading this is my life story not how my life ended yet

I went to visit my mother's grave I told her I'm not mad at her for killing herself and that she is not weak it takes a strong person to admit failure I brought her a bouquet of her favourite ice lilies and said a proper goodbye

I let go of all my baggage and weight I am free and im having a baby we are about to graduate in 2 weeks love all the men in my family disapear like thin are but I have learnt to let it go like Elsa (A/N see what I did there)

depression is not easy and that year the only good thing that happened was when I had amnesia so I could forget I don't need pity don't look down on me help yourself your not me people are DIGUSTING and I know they don't understand they are so naïve like my bestfriend she didn't see my pain she had a friend named Abbie she robbed me of my bestfriend I pretended to be friends with her for the sake of Ren but it was only a matter of time before I exploded I just wanted to slap her so hard she is a horrible person I never got time with Ren she did it intentionally poor Ren didn't know I don't blame her I am the reason this all happened so I stayed distant she didn't notice

I was completely horrible in 9th grade I did drugs and drank a lot attended ever party messed up a lot and if I could go back I would I don't deserve to live like this or at all\

but Ren she gives me hope and I'll hold on to her cause she is special and she is always there for me any time and I will forever love her for that

That's my TRUE

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

HEY GUYS IM BACK I WILL UPDATE SOON AND FASTER IM STUDYING FOR EXAM AND READING WATTPAD ITS HARD BUT IM TRYING TO MULTI TASK I HOPE U ENJOYED THAT AND PLEASE VOTE