Death (Shizaya)

5|Despondent

*Shizuo's POV*

I looked down at my watch...

...

I was normally home by now... But a couple conflicting circumstances decided to come up...

...

Truth be told, I couldn't get my mind off of him the entire day. Something was different. He looked sad. Broken. Even in his peaceful slumber. His slender, flawless face would scrunch up in disgust, soon morphing into a look of fear or sorrow. It looked like the ravenette would wince in his sleep...

... He was sleeping so much, I was afraid he wouldn't wake up...

...

I've set the fl--... Izaya... In my bed for the past few days. When I would come back, he was always asleep. I decided to try and watch over him... Try to take care of him for a little bit... I mean, I didn't really care all that much, did I?

No...?

... I did.

I've been exhausted... With him in my bed, I've just been watching over him like some paranoid mother. I was worried... And a little bit easier to anger, except if it came to the fl...

... To Izaya, dammit.

Whenever I'd set eyes on the informant, I felt a tug at my stomach. I always felt guilty. I don't know why, I've never d...

... I've injured him a lot...

I looked down, rapidly growing more impatient. Scratch that, whenever I thought about him, my stomach would torture with a sharp twist.

... We could've been something else...

... Izaya, that man... He wasn't scared of me. In fact, it seemed like I... Intrigued him...? I mean... He didn't want to leave me alone... Or maybe he just wanted... Information, huh... I always told him to back off, but...

I... wanted him here.
I felt like nothing without him.

I tried not to hurt him. I tried to keep my cool. I really did.

... But I still hurt him.

I came to the door. I felt like it took no time at all, but my watch said otherwise. I pulled out the key from my pocket and stuck it in the lock.

And then I turned it.

And then I opened the door.

And then I... saw Izaya on the floor.

His knees were bent, socks popping out to the side whilst his shoulder leaned against the small storage room. Wrists were all tangled up in the bandages, small streaks of silver glistening down his features; connecting his eyes to the corners of his mouth. As for eyes, the dark velvet pearls shone, eyelids twitching, his mouth agape...

I hesitantly closed the door, slipping out of my shoes before footing my way over to him.
It started with a couple words.

"I... Izaya... Are you okay...?"

I choked the words out.

... I didn't want to seem worried.

But, if I didn't know the sound of breathing, he would've been dead to me. His expression... It was so... Lifeless. Hopeless. He sat there, occasionally taking a deeper, more ragged breath. I knelt down. He didn't seem to acknowledge me... It was like I wasn't there.

I slowly extended my fingers forward, gently placing them under his chin. I turned his face to look up at me, I drew his face closer, but his expression had not yet changed. His eyes were still glassy... And we...

... We sat in the silence...

... Until he spoke up...

"No... Don't... Kill... Please..."

...

I've been a complete shit.

No wonder he doesn't feel comfortable around me, I've hurt the poor guy too many times! I've ruined our only chance... I mean, not like a monster like me would even be given a chance.

Him? He's a god. His job is to get information. He's very good at his occupation; very skilled at getting the information. But I've gotten in his way by merely existing. If I weren't here, he'd be okay. He wouldn't be hurt right now. A monster like me would never be given a chance...

... I knew I should've told him straight up...

... He... Still wouldn't understand.

... Pfft!

Asking for his hand in a friendship would be too pathetic for him. "Friendship"... Haha, what was I thinking? Puppeteers don't have friends. Gods don't have friends. They have order. And that is all they need.

Order and control. Those are the only things they'll accept...

... And I thought that he didn't have real feelings... Have I... Pushed him to the point of crying...? Does he really... hate me that much...?

My arms trembled as my hand reached up, very very slowly. It absentmindedly stroked his cheek, decorated by the silver liquid streaks. My fingers ran his raven hair behind his ears; the tear strings away. But when I saw his lip quiver and his brows slide up in fear, I immediately bit my lip and left him be.

I couldn't see him like that.

But he was unfazed. His eyes gazed in the very same direction, he had not moved position one bit. His hands pressed to the floor, keeping him up and steady as he sat there. His face twitched, telling me he was conscious; when another part of me wanted to believe he wasn't. I mean, he's clearly awake... But it's no different than his slumber state...

... Heck, even this morning he didn't talk to me... He just stared. Looked here. Looked there. Looked away. This morning though... He was okay... Right? I felt my lips curl down, sighing as I began to unbutton my vest.

My socks stepped me to my room, stopping by the bed as my vest fell down to my elbows. As I pulled my arms out one by one, my eyes caught sight of the nightstand...

... His sushi was still there...

...

That damn dumbass... He's gonna kill himself if he goes on like this... I... Wouldn't be able to live with myself if something like... happened to him and I knew I could've saved him...

... I'm going to ask for a few days off. Something's wrong with him... And yet, when I first noticed...

I was angry.

And I yelled at him.

And I hurt him.

And I made him cry.

And I probably made him hate me even more than he must now.

... I have to get a few days off.

Tugging the bowtie off in anger, I sighed as my eyes gave a slight sting. I walked past the mirror, the slight glitters of silver in my eyes. But a frown quickly washed them away.

I walked out, back to the door, and picked the small man up. The ravenette; Izaya... And I brought him back inside the room. I set him on he bed, feeling his forehead... And his neck pulse.

... It was a habit.

I continued to mentally scold myself, gently closing his eyelids before stepping out to the kitchen to get a small damp towel for his head.

...I have to get a few days off.

.

/A/N: A short Shizu-chan chapter!!! Just noticed Shizu-chan hasn't gotten to narrate XD not much, at least. I don't really... know what I'm doing with the story either... ;--; i mean... I never ACTUALLY planned anything... This is more difficult than I assumed it to be.../