Zodiac Signs

Conversations Between the Signs

[An actual interaction between a Gemini, Scorpio, and Aquarius]

Scorpio: "So how long can y'all hold your breath?"

Gemini: "Oh my god you ask everyone that!"

Aquarius: *takes a deep breath* "YEAAAA BOIIIIII"

[At Starbucks]

Virgo: *standing in a long line*

Leo: *walks up to Virgo and grabs their hand* "This is crazy."

Virgo: *looks at Leo* "Um..."

Leo: *Looks at Virgo* "You're not my boyfriend/girlfriend."

Taurus: *From behind Virgo and Leo* "You're holding the wrong hand, Leo."

Leo: "You sure?"

Virgo: "Yeah, we're sure."

Leo: "I feel compelled to finish this Starbucks experience with you."

Virgo: "I'm not paying."

Leo: "Nevermind, I'm going back to my boyfriend/girlfriend."

Taurus: "I'm not paying either."

Aries: *At the front of the line* "Come hold my hand, I'll buy you anything you want."

Leo: *Goes to hold Aries' hand* "At least somebody cares about me."

[At the beach with Aquarius, Gemini, Pisces, and Capricorn]

Aquarius: "Just a leisurely swim through... the.... o-ocean."

Gemini: "Aquarius? Earth to Aquarius!"

Aquarius: "Don't steal my bones!"

Pisces: "What?"

Aquarius: "Sorry guys. I'm just worried about the ocean goblin."

Pisces: "What?"

Aquarius: "You know, the ocean goblin. He lives in the ocean and if you don't brush your teeth he steals your bones."

Capricorn: "There is no such thing as an ocean goblin."

Gemini: "Aquarius, is this another one of those things your dad told you to get you to do stuff? Like that spider that eats your video games if you wet the bed?"

Aquarius: "That is a real thing, I saw it once!"

Gemini: "Okay....."

[A short conversation with Capricorn and Aquarius]

Capricorn: "What is a two way petting zoo?"

Aquarius: (Quietly) "You pet the animals, and they pet you back."

[A short conversation with Taurus, Gemini, and their mother]

Taurus: * On the phone* "No mom, everything is running smoothly. Gem, tell mom everything is fine."

Gemini: *Takes phone* "Hey mom. We haven't eaten for days, your plants are dying, and I'm dropping out of school. Love ya, bye."

[At the hospital with Libra, Aquarius, and Taurus]

(Aries has just woken up in the hospital recovering from a sports injury)

Libra: "Thank God, you're alright!"

Aquarius: "We watched you while you were sleeping."

Taurus: "Aquarius means we were present while you were unconscious."

[An interaction between Sagittarius, Cancer, Scorpio, and Taurus]

Sagittarius: "I'm sorry guys. And Cancer."

Cancer: "'Guys' is fine; I don't mind."

Sagittarius: "No, it's not right. We need to come up with something non-gender specific. How do we feel about 'team'?"

Cancer: "Fellow Nerd Herders?"

Scorpio: "The Scorpions?"

Taurus: "Sagittarius' Stable of Hoes?"

[An adventure with Capricorn, Taurus, and Pisces]

Capricorn: "We don't stop till nightfall!"

Taurus: "What about breakfast?"

Capricorn: " You've already had it."

Taurus: "We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast?"

Pisces: "I don't think Capricorn knows about second breakfast."

Taurus: "What about elevensies? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? Capricorn knows about them, right?

Pisces: "I wouldn't count on it."

[A short conversation between Taurus and Gemini]

Taurus: "Would you call me selfish?"

Gemini: "No, not to your face."

[Taurus in the hospital]

Nurse: "How many drinks of alcohol do you consume in a week?"

Taurus: "One."

Nurse: "That's it? One drink?"

Taurus: "One shelf."

Nurse: "Do you exercise?"

Taurus: "Yes. Lovemaking and woodworking."

Nurse: "Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?"

Taurus: "I have an uncle who does yoga."

Nurse: "Allergies?"

Taurus: "Cowardice and week-willed men. And hazelnuts."

Nurse: "Sexual history?"

Taurus: "Epic and private."