Lust vs Love (Jiva Fanfic)

Chapter 11

"I want you to be mine, and I mean it with every fiber in my body. I need you to be mine," Siva breathed, his warm breath sending Jay's body into a frenzy.

"I'm all yours Seev, and only yours."

Jay woke up with a heavy heart and a pain in his chest. After what happened with Nathan, he "suggested" for Siva to leave. He wouldn't have taken no for an answer, though.

He placed his feet on the cool wooden floor of his bedroom and slumped. He dreaded the thought of having to get up and go out into the world; he didn't know what there was to expect. He felt hopeless, more so than he was before he and Siva hooked up. And now, Siva had been dragged down in his misery.

After much time of convincing himself to get up on his feet, he walked into his bathroom and turned the shower on to a warm temperature. He stepped in the tub and put his head under the sharp rivulets of water. Slowly, he turned the knob, making the water hotter, and hotter. Eventually, he stopped until the water was scorching against his pale skin, turning him a bright, painful red.

This was something he used to do back in his teenage years. In leu of cutting himself, or whatever self harm actions there were out there, he'd simply burn himself with water until all he could focus on was physical pain. It was also just a way to punish himself. Whenever he felt like a failure -most of the time-, or felt embarrassed, in result, he'd burn himself.

His shower had always been his only getaway. He didn't have to hear or see anything other then the water splashing on his face and the steam rising. It was the perfect hideaway. No one could take that away from him. At this point in time, it was once again all he had.

Jay spent a long time in the shower. It took a lot of willpower and immense pain to get himself out. Once he did step out of it, he wanted to just turn around and go back in. He felt so exposed, so vulnerable to the world's wrath. Not in a million years did he ever think he'd feel that way again, but Siva broke his shell. The very person he loved most sent him into ruins.

•••

"Siva," Nareesha said breathlessly with wide eyes. She was setting out for work, but once she opened her front door, she found Siva with a key in his hand.

"Hey," he replied, unable to look her in the eyes.

"Came here to get your things?"

"No, actually. I came to see you."

"What for?"

"I'd rather we talk inside, if that's alright with you."

"Yeah, sure. Come in." She stepped aside allowing him to enter.

He walked in and leaned his body against the back of a sofa while she closed the door. They faced each other with hollow eyes.

"You haven't been sleeping well?" Nareesha asked.

"No, not really. It seems you haven't been sleeping either."

"I'm mostly a nocturnal designer; you know that."

"Right," Siva said while raising his brows, knowing that wasn't the reason.

"So, what did you want to talk about, how great things are going for -what's it called- Jiva?"

"Definitely not. Why would I even think of doing that?"

"I've got a ton of foul words to answer that with."

Siva scoffed. "You really don't have to act like a bitch."

"Oh I'm being a bitch now?" Nareesha rose her voice. "You're the one who cheated on me and decided you didn't love me after. So, I have every right to be mad and bitchy!" She made air quotations at bitchy.