Prongs {Book One}

Chapter Twenty - Confusion, Delusion and Everything In Between

JAMES. 

"I-I'm sorry for p-piling this all on you, but I needed to tell someone, and, well, it's not like I can tell Sev, is it?" Lily sniffed, wiping her eyes. She let out a hollow laugh. "I don't suppose he'll ever let me talk to him again. I don't even know if I want to. I mean, of course I want to. But I want to speak to Sev of two years ago. I don't want to speak to now Sev. He's changed too much."

I swallowed hard. "Do.. did you like him? It's okay if you do. Or did, rather."

"I don't know," Lily breathed, "I really don't know. I-I thought I had everything figured out, you know? Sev and I... we were supposed to be best friends for life. We promised that when we first met. I've never even thought of him as anything more than that, and I thought he felt the same way, but..." Lily sniffed, wiped her nose with the back of her hand, and then looked up at me. She quickly looked away again, and then burst out, "I was so naive! You realised, didn't you? Everyone knew except me, and then I didn't know what to do when he kissed me!"

"It's okay," I said, "I know what you mean. Or something similar at least. I mean, until recently..." I closed my eyes, and opened them again, trying to keep eye contact with her. "I was completely convinced that you liked me back, and that you were just... I don't know. Playing hard to get. Something like that. But I get it now. You can't just assume that someone likes you because you like them. Sometimes..." I gulped. "Sometimes it doesn't work out."

"How... how long have you... you know."

"Since I first met you. On the train, in our first year," I said without hesitation. I was finding it harder and harder to look her in the eyes now. I felt vulnerable, but there was also something wonderful about telling her all this. Telling her and not have anyone scoff at me, tell me I was lovesick and stupid. "I didn't know why, back then. I think it was your hair. I remember thinking it matched your personality. Fiery, but not arrogant. Fierce, but also gentle. And then... well, you know what happened. I was an asshole for five years." I let out hollow laugh to try and break the tension, which seemed fake and high.

Lily didn't laugh. "That's a long time," Lily whispered.

"He waited longer," I said, and our eyes locked.

"It's different with him," she said so softly I could hardly hear. 

"How so?"

"It just is."

Our breaths were misting up the cold air in unison, our eyes still glued to each other's, neither blinking for fear of losing the moment. 

We both leaned in, slowly, tantalisingly. Lily's lips parted.

And then her head snapped away.

"I-I'm sorry..." she trailed off. "I can't, not right after Sev. I bet he'll tell everyone and they'll go round thinking I'm some sort of person who kisses two guys on the same night... I'm sorry, James - I really-"

"Don't worry," I said, as seriously as I could. "I'll protect you," I added, "from now on, I'll always protect you. I swear. No matter what."

"Thank you." Her head turned back to face me, and the distance between us seemed non-existent. 

I knew me of yesterday would have been annoyed that we didn't kiss. But me of today wanted nothing more than to make sure Lily was safe.

-

SEV.

My quick footsteps broke into a desperate run as furious tears dripped down my face.

Of course Potter would be there.

Of course he'd ruin everything.

I got into the castle and sprinted towards the Slytherin common room, not caring how much noise I made. My feet thunked against the cold stone floors and I practically fell down the stairs. As I got to the stone wall that was the hidden entrance to the common room, I stopped for the first time.

I couldn't go in there. Not like this. There were possibly some fifth years still awake - exams were still going on - and I knew I didn't want anyone to see me. I turned and walked away from the wall, subconsciously heading to the Room of Requirement.

I'd read about the room in an ancient book in the restricted section earlier in the year, with permission from Slughorn. I had actually been researching the Chamber of Secrets - but with no more information in Ancient Secrets of the Castle than Hogwarts: A History, I had decided to pursue a different room instead.

I need a place to hide from everyone.

I need a place to hide from everyone.

I need a place to hide from everyone.

I turned to face the wall, where a door had just appeared. I took a deep breath, and pushed it open.

Sunlight hit my eyes - almost blinding me. The Room had turned into a huge area, a playground, in the middle of the day. As I glanced around at the swings and slide, I recognised it immediately. 

This was the playground by Lily's house.

I spun ninety degrees to the left, and, sure enough, Lily's house was there.

My heartbeat slowed. Of course the Room would turn into this. Wasn't this the place where I had come to hide from my family? My head obviously thought that everyone excluded Lily.  

Wrong, I wanted to shout. Part of me wanted to be here, part of me wanted to run.

Most of me was thinking this was the last place I wanted to be. 

Most of me was reminded of Potter, and of how Lily was probably with him right now-

I flew out the door behind me and ran again until I found an empty, unlocked classroom. I rushed inside and locked the door with a spell, and then lay down on one of the desks.

It was stupid that I could ever believe Lily would choose me over him. 

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'd known for years that I had no chance, so why had I continued? Spite?

I screwed my eyes shut.

Because I love her.

-

All these chapters are too sad I can't right now