Prongs {Book One}

Chapter Sixteen - Blame

JAMES.

"Where is he? Where's Sirius?"

Remus tore into the hospital wing, white as a sheet, shaking all over.

My head snapped up, Peter's one second after.

"This is my fault - mine..." Remus' voice shook. He buried his head in his quaking hands.

"Remus-" I tried, but I couldn't form the words properly. Seeing him like this - completely broken, vulnerable - had broken something in me, too.

Sirius lay on the bed, not stirring. A bandage was wrapped tightly around his head where he'd hit the ground and another one swamping his stomach and chest. He looked different lying on the bed. Not like he was sleeping. There was something... less peaceful about it.

A tear escaped Remus' fingers, along with a sob that racked his whole body. His entire body shook as more tears fell onto the bed.

"R-Remus," I tried again, reaching out to touch his arm.

His hand moved faster than a snitch, grabbing my own arm. He was staring at me, too, red eyes and wet face.

"Don't touch me," he said so I could hardly hear him, "I-I don't want to hurt you too."

And then he was standing, walking out the hospital wing. And before Peter and I could follow, McGonnogal walked in.

"Potter, Pettigrew? I need to speak to you both."

However worried I was about Remus, I knew that I couldn't say no to McGonnogal. Our expulsion lay in her hands. We followed her reluctantly to her office.

"So, Potter, as you told me, you two and Black are all unregistered animagi."

"Uh, yes. Professor."

McGonnogal let out a ginormous sigh. "How you even managed to do it successfully when I - when many grown wizards struggle with it is... it is beyond me. However, despite your brilliance, this is not only against school rules - but against wizarding law."

I hung my head. This was the end of my school career. Mum and Dad wouldn't be pleased, but I would rather have it this way than finish school knowing I could have helped Remus with his 'furry little problem'.

"I have decided not to expel you, nor report you to anyone."

Peter and my heads both snapped up in shock.

"I am sure Dumbledore knows - he seems to find out everything around this place - but he will not hear it from me, and neither will the ministry."

"Professor..." stuttered Peter.

"Th-thank you," I managed.

"I will not report you," she repeated, "as long as you never go out with Lupin when he is in his wolf form again, and do not use your animagi form until you have left school and can register them. Are we clear?"

We both nodded vigorously. "Yes, professor."

"I have made this decision with regards to my assumption of why you did it. Correct me if i am wrong, but you researched and found out that werewolves are not aggressive towards animals, and therefore thought it was safe - and more enjoyable for Lupin - to become animagi and accompany him when he turned at the full moon." 

Peter and I nodded.

"Very noble of you," she said, and I thought I was a glimmer of pride in her eyes for a second. "However, if you cross the line one more time, I will have no choice but to expel you."

"Of course, Professor."

She let out another sigh, and nodded. "You are dismissed. Oh, and... just check on Lupin, will you? Make sure that he's... doing alright."

I nodded, slightly perplexed at this sudden touch of sympathy from McGonnogal.

We practically sprinted all the way up to the Gryffindor common room, almost colliding with several people on the way.

"Remus!?" We skidded into the dormitory.

He snapped his head around from bending over his trunk, wand in hand, pointed right at us.

It was a strange sensation, seeing his wand pointed at me. There had, of course, been many times when I'd seen his wand out and pointing at someone, something - just never at me, or at a friend.

"Don't try and stop me leaving."

His voice wasn't shaking anymore. It was cold, harsh and a little bit scary. 

"It's not your fault," I said quietly, trying to initiate as much calm in my voice as I possibly could. "You can't help it. It's not-"

"Natural? Normal? No. I'm a freak. I'm a monster."

"It's not your-"

"It is. It is more than you can comprehend, James." Remus lowered his wand slightly. He looked vulnerable, broken. "I should never have agreed to come to Hogwarts. It was selfish. Dumbledore offered me the choice, gave me a chance, and all I could think about was how I was actually getting a magical education, something I'd thought I would never even come close to getting. I didn't think for one second how much I would be endangering everyone else around me. I didn't think I'd make friends, but when you approached me I was too selfish to refuse. I should have kept to myself. Then none of this would have happened." He hung his head.

"No," I said, because it was pretty much all I could think of saying. Remus' head snapped up. 

"Wh-what?"

"Yeah. No," Peter said, repeating it.

"What do you mean, no?"

"I mean no, Moony, you dumbass wolf. No, you're not selfish. No, you shouldn't have thought of other people. We chose to be your friends, you idiot. You deserve to be here as much as anyone else, and more than some. So shut up about not deserving it and putting others in danger. We chose to be your friends, to become animagi, to do all of this. You're not selfish. You never have been."

"I..."

"Now unpack your stuff. You're staying here, even if I have to use a bodybind curse on you. No you'd better go see Sirius because he's going to wake up soon, and how do you think he'll feel if one of his best friends isn't there when he does?"

Remus just nodded, and picked up a sock from his trunk, before pausing for a few seconds with it suspended in his grasp. Then he lurched forwards and hugged Peter and me so tightly I thought my windpipe was going to explode.

He mumbled something into my shoulder, barely audible.

"Thank you."

_

So... bit of an intense chapter. Sorry I took so long to update but I wanted to get this chapter right. Anyhoo, hope you enjoyed and didn't cry too much... haha... ha... ha. see you next chapter which will hopefully be up before next year...