Puppy Dog Eyes

Change My Mind

I knew my fingers were betraying me as they flipped the page, but we couldn't help it. The next excerpt made me shiver.

               I've become desperate to find a home. Every night, a different bar; I just can't find one. It's impossible.

Until it wasn't.

I knew that's when he found me. Alone in my own little world. That was me. Only me. I turn the page.

God, do you give me permission for an angel to be my new home? If you don't, I must repay my sin later. Because I must have have him. I have to. It's the only way to live and breathe with myself. To rest in harmony.

I started crying because I was mad at Louis, at myself, at everything. I kept reading.

As I sit in this bar stool now, I wonder what he is thinking. I made eye contact with him. Did he know he was my new home? He seemed so soft and new. He was clueless. Green eyes. Red lips. Curls of brown. He was truly a masterpiece, that I wanted to look at and feel for the rest of my days. So I will. After greeting and hearing his voice, the drink was set. And so was my life for him.

The pages were drowned of my endless tears. I sniffled and sniffled. This was wrong but I couldn't help to feel right. I keep skipping pages until one is in different ink. Recent.

It has been days since I've written in here. I have become too condoned into Harry. That was his name. Beautiful. For the past days, all I ever wanted was Harry to love me back. He hasn't yet, but now I do know because since yesterday little erotic incident in the kitchen, he has changed. For all the little moments of him rebelling against his own feelings towards me, he has fallen deeper. Because I have too. But there is a problem.

I have secrets.

I don't want to tell. Because if I do, my little Harry may not be mine ever again and I can't let that happen. Not when he loves me.

I slammed the journal shut. I was going to wait for Louis to tell me his secrets before this god damn journal told me itself. I wanted Louis to trust me; to know I wasn't leaving. I wipe my face and begin dinner.

Once the chicken alfredo is done, I sit down and wait for Louis to get off work.

After minutes, I hear "honey, I'm home." My heart fluttered but then it crumbled remembering the journal.

"Hi Lou," I stand up to hug him and he kisses my pink cheek, "made alfredo."

"Mm, smells good babe," he says, sitting down in front of a plate. I frown at the pet name. I sighed, sitting down.

"What's wrong Haz? You seem upset." He slips a noodle.

"I'm fine."

"Your face begs to differ," Louis inquires.

"Can we talk about it later?" I whispered.

Louis notices my discomfort, letting it go. We continue eating in silence. Once were done, I set the plate in sink, not planning on washing them now. I sit back down at the table and Louis does too.

Louis begins, "What's the matt-"

I slam the journal from under the table on to the surface: "This."

"Where'd you find that?"

"Deep in the bookshelf," I frowned, not wasting my energy to be mad.

"What were-"

"Doesn't matter! Louis, what are you hiding from me?" I said.

"Nothing."

"Stop lying to me Louis!"

He seemed quiet and distant. Not so forward now.

"I read those pages. I know you have secrets. And they're from me. That's what got me. You always want to know what's on my mind when I know nothing about what's in yours. It's unfair, Louis."

He broke, "You want to know what secret is, Harry?" He continued, "Ill tell you if you really want to know!" He yelled; angry and frustrated. It scared me.

"Yes."

"I don't want you to leave me Harry,." He whispered. I won't. I can't.

"I won't."

He took a deep breath and pulled something out his pockets, velvet box, and opened it. A ring.

"It's a promise ring and I didn't want to tell you so soon, didn't want to scare you off." The ring shines brightly.

He whispers, "Come here, darling."
He calmed down.

I walked a feet closer and automatically lifted my hand. He smiled as I blushed. I felt like an idiot. There was still this feeling of something else, but I pushed it away.

He slipped the ring on my ring finger, "I promise you that I will protect and love you Harry. I never wanted you to feel suffocated. I want you to feel at home with me." I was dumb for eating his words, and he was wrong for giving them. But I knew this infatuation soon turned into love.

When our foreheads rested together, he whispered: "I love you."

When he leaves down, his kiss held so much. Desire. Softness. Love. It was overwhelming.

I soon moved my lips too and we were already having our own heated rhythm. We kissed and kissed; a make out event.

I think it was time.

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y'all not ready for smut . Or are y'all 😏 ?