Heart Letters [Eren Jaeger x Mikasa Ackerman]

Chapter Three: Tomorrow's Knights

The time was ticking away, yet no news have rung into Eren’s ear. He waited patiently, holding the next letter in his hand, hoping that Mikasa would return before his curiosity pushes him to read further. Each time he glanced at the piece of paper, he felt an urge to read it. He wanted to know what she’d write this time, he wanted to know ever so badly.

But is it right?

And… is it wrong? It was written on the cover, as large as it could get, ‘To Eren Jeager’, but… what’s written in of the previous ones that he had read seemed to be more personal than he’d imagine a letter might be.

Maybe that’s the side of Mikasa he had never noticed.

"I didn’t really know what kind of person she was before that day… do I?" he asked himself, later shaking his head. He sighed, wiping off sweat that has emerged from his forehead, that is as cold as ice now. Never had he been this worry, never had he been this worry for that girl. 

"When I see you again." he smiled. "I’m going to know more about you, I promise." he looked at the wooden door again, reassuring himself once more that the girl he’s waiting for is more than just fine.

He would have joined in the search himself; but the Commander had ordered him to stay behind, while leaving him with a pile of letters one had found, meant for him. He didn’t question how they had found it, and why didn’t they just leave it as it be. Why had they chosen to give them to him?

Eren couldn’t bear any longer. 

He stared at the letter he held in his hands. The date of the letter read sometime not too far away, but it was not near; it was written on the night before their graduation from the Trainees Corps, the night before they announce the Top Ten of their unit.

He took a deep breath, opening it. As expected, it was longer than the last; probably because the tales this time are longer. He then proceeded to read it the way he had did for the previous two letters - out loud to himself.

"Dear Eren,

Again I haven’t written to you for so long; and while I see you everyday, it feels weird not to ask how’s your condition. I thought I might find this a good time to write a letter to you, because this is our last night of being trainees. Tomorrow, we’ll have to be prepared to choose our life’s next step, our new path.

Are you really sure of the Survey Corps?

Don’t get me wrong, I have no doubts at all in your abilities. You did well in the subjects, and you passed the test just as expected. Just that… are you sure of choosing the Survey Corps? Judging by your test marks, you’ve earned a place in the Military Police; which by far, is the safest branch to be in.

I know if I actually told you this in person, you would be screaming at me, telling me that I don’t understand. I understand. I know why you want to be in the Survey Corps. I really do. We’ve been through the same pain together, we’ve watched her… Never mind about that. But it doesn’t feel right in my chest, whenever I think you’ll get into trouble inside the Survey Corps. It hurts to worry about you, it hurts more than getting hurt physically during training, it hurts more than that day so many years before.

So if you’re going to the Survey Corps, I’ll come with you. I’ll support you by your side. I’ll try my best to protect you, like the way you protected me when we were younger.

I’ll try my very best to do at least one tenth of the deed you’ve done for me those years before - saving me, teaching me.

I’ll never forget of those days, no matter how painful they were. Because this world has both its cruelty and beauty - somewhere, deep down everything cause, every matter, every bad fate that occurs, something beautiful will spring up from it. The consequences that I was forced to take… they led me to you. And then you led me to so many things I have never known of before that.”

At that point of the letter, Eren felt his eyes water again. She was worried of him, and she was willing to give everything away, choose the same path as him, just to protect him. And what did he react with? Nothing near relieve, that’s for sure.

All this while, he had thought that she’d only doing this because she’s having fun, treating him like her younger brother, who’s weak and need someone to take care of - but he was wrong. She wanted to do this… because of what he did that long ago. 

She wanted to put her life on the line, take the road that she didn’t plan to take, all because of him.

If he hadn’t read what she had written, he would have been fumed, knowing that she is trying to treat her like her own younger sibling. But with this in his hands, everything was different, and they were all so different suddenly.

He got a hold of himself, continuing his reading.

"So before tomorrow comes, before we officially become a whole new person, I want to say… thank you, again, for saving me that day. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if you never did… I might have been dead by now, right?"

The word ‘dead’ caught his eye. His hands and legs trembled, inside he struggled to keep himself still. He braced himself, keeping whatever feeling of doubt inside, and continued reading.

"So… thank you, Eren. Not just for saving me, but for giving me a home. Giving me something I could achieve in life. Giving me something that, at one point of my life, I thought I had lost forever. Without you, I wouldn’t have met Armin, nor everyone else here, would I?

The Survey Corps…

An honourable yet dangerous branch, where death can just come in a flash. I remember how you could never stop talking about them when we were kids; now we have the chance to become one of them ourselves, right? I’m sure… we’d fit right in. We’ll survive together in the Survey Corps; you, me, and if he chooses, Armin - and whoever else who decides to join. We’ll all be into this together.

Tomorrow’s the day. Not that we have to make our decision right after the graduation ceremony, but that decision have to come soon after that anyhow. Just remember, no matter what you choose, I’ll be there to support you. And before you misunderstand me once more, I’ll say this: I’m not doing this just for you, I’m doing this for myself, too. I want to stay right by your side, right by the only family member I have left with me. And whether you like it or not, you’ll have to bear with me.

Today was our last briefing, our last official ‘training’ - even though instead of swinging around fighting cardboards again on our 3DMG, we were taught the last of what we needed to know about the titans - again they reminded, that begging for mercy won’t change anything. Only the will to fight lets the prey to survive on.

That got me think, though. Are they the prey? Are we the predators? Or is it the other way around? I don’t know; how do you feel about this topic? My heart guessed the answer… one that anyone would have expected. 

But have you any thoughts otherwise? While my mind craves for the answer, I cannot find the path to actually ask you for the guidance. My thoughts would vanish and form a new whenever I see you; it’s a hindrance, but I could not prevent it. I couldn’t…

I think… I’ll end this one here. I feel a lot more relieved after writing to you. It’s as if… everything is just lifted off my chest, you know what I mean? Normally… I couldn’t get any words out. But while I write, my mind just speaks by itself, I only write what I screams out to me. And while once more… you might never get to read this, at least, I’ve said it. If you ever get to see this one day, I hope… I hope you at least understand what I’ve said here. I hope, I wish… that one day, if I’m ever gone, please continue living. The world needs you. 

This cruel world needs a hero, you.

Mikasa Ackerman.”

Silently, Eren laughed. Him, a hero? 

With these words coming from her, he’d already realize something he never had once before.

That without her, how is he even going to be called a hero?