1 girl 2 minds

wanting to be wanted

"miss willow wake up, sleeping during class is highly inappropriate", I suddently jumped up wondering what was going on it turned out that I had fallen asleep during class, the worst part is that I was drooling and everyone was staring and laughing. RING RING, there goes the bell I better hurry to my locker, I accidentally dropped my books and Adam picked them up.

"you dropped your books here" I looked up gazing at his deep hazel eyes as they put me in a trance. "um.. thank you" wow that's all I could think of to say he probably thinks I'm an idiot now.

I watch Adam leave as I think of many other things I could have said, every time I see him I'm hypnotized . I don't know if its his hazel brown eyes or those full lips that just drive me crazy, or if its his glowing confidence or that smile that just lights up a room but, whenever I'm near him I just want to faint.

Too bad I never have the courage, to actually speak to him. Whenever I try I end up saying stupid things.

Adam is in gr.11 and currently dating Mandy, she's very nice and she so gorgeous how could I possibly compete with her. Her cute personality, amazing curves, super intelligence are what every guy dreams of.

I on the other hand am still growing into my body with a boyish figure, I have curley impossible to deal with hair, and I'm awkward and clumsy. I can't possibly see why any guy would be interested in me, and after word about my suicide attempt got out, people try to avoid the "crazy chick who tried to kill herself".

I sit in my room and wonder why, why didn't it succeed. Now I am more of an outcast then I ever was I get strange looks when I walk down the halls, and I sit in the bathroom stalls to eat my lunch because, it is less painful than to sit all alone in the caff while everyone looks at me.

They all know I'm a lonner and I know it too, I just wish I wasn't seen that way, I wish I had friends. I walk outside as the cool breeze hits me, the perfect weather for a jog. Running is my escape in life, it helps me clear my mind and escape all my problems and loneliness.

I always wonder what it would be like to have a real high school experience, what it would be like to be popular, to be pretty, to have a boyfriend, to have friends, but most importantly to be wanted...