Chasing Love

Chapter 6

Hey guys!! Yeah I'm alive, against all odds, and updating against even greater odds! Not sure why I'm starting with this update but I do have to start somewhere! I really want to finish Stepbrother and at least one more book before the summer ends so we'll see where I end up! Enjoy!!

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I nervously tapped my fingers against the table, trying to distract myself from the fact that Dylan was already five minutes late. He was not the type of person to be late to anything, especially when it involved me. Pressing my iced macchiato against my forehead, I sighed loudly. Why had it taken me this long to realize just how deeply I had fucked up? I took Dylan seriously for granted and now I felt awful for it. 

"Hey."

His familiar voice made me shoot up and nearly spill my drink. He looked down at me, part somber, part confused. I noticed how neat he appeared - between his styled hair and clean outfit. He's totally breaking up with you, a voice in my head admitted. 

"Hey," I quickly replied. "Uhm, I just got my drink a few minutes ago but I'll wait for you." 

"No, I'm fine," Dylan replied calmly, causing my soft smile to vanish. 

A tense silence filled up the space between us. As I sucked on my straw, I thought of things to say and different ways to start a conversation. 

"Listen, Audrey-" Dylan began, starting before I could. 

"Dylan I'm honestly so sorry for everything I did. The whole situation was super fucked up and super out of line and you have every right to be upset or annoyed or even disappointed and I just feel so bad thinking of how bad you feel because you're the sweetest boyfriend I could've ever asked for and I hate thinking of taking advantage of you or taking you for granted or just any of that and..." I ran out of breath and stopped to raise my head. When I met Dylan's eyes I noticed that they weren't as expressive as usual and I sighed again. "I'm just really sorry. This must all suck for you."

"And it doesn't suck for you?" he answered, his tone completely unchanged despite my strung-out apology. 

"Dyl, I just told you how much it sucks for me. I've felt so horrible these past few days thinking about how what I did hurt you. I'm really, really sorry," I replied sincerely, clutching my drink with both hands. The condensation from the cold drink licked my hands, cooling away the sweat that was beginning to form. 

He sighed in response and leaned back against the wooden chair. I watched as he rubbed his forehead, right in between his eyebrows. I knew this meant he was deep in thought.  Continuing to study him, I looked over his features - his small, mocha eyes; his chiseled jawline; his sweet, full lips. Dylan was by no means ugly, so it was extremely frustrating not knowing why I wasn't into him. 

"Audrey, listen." He finally spoke. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I love you."

"Dyl, how could I ever take that the wron-" I desperately began, before being cut off.

"Stop. I just want to get this out. I love you and I know you don't love me. And that really, really sucks."

My heart plummeted as I watched his brows furrow even deeper. This was obviously tearing him apart, and I felt so guilty, so confused, so angry, so upset - all at once. It was all my fault. I had been selfish and manipulative and cruel and now Dylan, who only wanted what was best for me, was paying the consequences. 

"When I watched you kiss Adam, I wasn't mad. Really, I wasn't. I could never be mad at you, Audrey. And you know that. Adam's one of my closest friends and I know it wasn't a big deal. But it's deeper than that. It's everything. And because that happened, I was finally able to think straight for the first time in months." He stopped to laugh, appearing dumbfounded. "Audrey it's like you put a fucking spell on me. I mean, I was so into you I didn't even realize you weren't happy!"

"Dylan, of course I'm happy!" I fought back, feeling my eyes swell up with tears. Something so familiar to me was slipping through my fingers, and nothing I could do was going to stop it.

"Audrey, no you're not. And like I said, I know it's not Adam. I know it's not someone else. I known it's just not me."

He paused and laid out both his hands on the table, motioning for me to grab them. Hesitantly, I drew out my arms and clutched his hands. They were strikingly cold. Like mine, his eyes were glossy and threatening to spill, but I knew he would be able to keep it in. 

"Audrey I love you, but I don't wanna do this anymore. And I know you never really did. I hope soon enough we'll be able to be good friends, but for now I need my space. We both deserve to be a hundred percent happy and satisfied, and it's just never going to happen here." Stroking my palms gently with his hand, he smiled sadly. "I really wish you had just done this sooner. That way it wouldn't have sucked as much for me."

Another weight crashed down on my shoulders, forcing me to tear my gaze away from him. Maybe, if I hadn't been so stupid and immature, this entire scene could've been avoided. I let this get too deep; too serious, and now Dylan was heartbroken. 

"I'm really sorry," I finally muttered, withdrawing my hands. A single bead of water slid down my coffee cup and pooled on the dark table. A tear escaped from my eye and followed a similar path, dropping on the table as well. 

"Don't worry. I'll be fine. Thanks for meeting with me, Audrey." 

I looked back up with him and attempted to match his genuine smile, but the whole situation nauseated me. Dylan said goodbye and left me to sulk. Our conversation replayed in my head over and over at different frequencies different speeds different moments. Each time though, I looped back to the same part: I know its not Adam. 

But what if it was?