The Story Of Us

Chapter 29: A Journal Remains

**Jose's POV**

     It was getting late, I started driving to my house but took a different turn instead. I did it on purpose because I was now heading somewhere else. I knew no one else would find me, I just needed to feel alive. At this point, I knew Ryan being dead... it wasn't a stupid joke. It wasn't something that came straight out a movie, this was real, this was him, this was Ryan.

     The same Ryan I've known for the past I don't know, 8years?! More or less, he was gone. He's not coming back, ever. This isn't something I can just get over or pretend it never happened, this is something I don't even want to live.

   How can you go on when you feel like you constantly want to throw up? When you feel like you're going to lose your mind any second, break down in public. I always told Ryan to let loose. Now, I couldn't even live my life.

  If I kept this vacation up, I wasn't even going to have a job. At this point I didn't even care, but for some reason Ryan's voice echoed from when we were younger.

    Back when we used to get girls and would stop non-stop about love, we were so dumb and naive. He would tell me,

"Get her, man. Never give up if you love her, go for it."

   Instead of her, it was like my dream. I know he wouldn't want me to give up, lose track, and i'd hate for him to know I'm like this. A mess.

Journal Entry 1:

    Well, they don't know I'm dying, we're so far apart, and it's like we're just the ghosts of each other. Me, it's like I'm just waiting for the day he returns. Jose knows about my condition, he doesn't know the fact I won't survive it. If he knew, he'd never forgive himself, he'd pretend he's okay but he would go mad.

    I don't really get love, it's this crazy thing where you don't know what's what, you think youre in love and then you stop. Is it even possible to stop? Love, that's what I spent my life searching for yet all I can think of is if I fall in love. Then I hurt them.

   When the end comes, I just hope they'll be ready, notice, anything.

**Katie's POV**

   "So he knew all along."

I pointed out. Alyssa looked shocked at the paper, wadding it up into a ball until I stopped her.

"Wait. There's another entry on the back."

I exclaimed, she stared at me with utter hostility.

"I don't care what's on the freaking back."

She shouted.

   I shot her a daring look.

"What?"

I asked, clearly not really asking.

"Quit trying to act so fucking innocent because you liked him, big deal. That doesn't make you any special."

She blurted out, starting to regret it. She slapped me across my face.

"What is your fucking problem? I know, I know how you feel that he didn't trust us enough to tell us or some shit like that. Well listen up, and listen up good. Do you seriously think he'd tell us something like that? Would you?"

I asked her. My face scrunched up, I was pissed.

  "I don't- I would." She tried to defend herself, unconvincing.

"Right."

I snapped.

"It's not like he could have just told us. Get that through your thick skull!"