It's Up To You

Part 7

"Are you going somewhere after?" Christine asked, causing Stevie to raise an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're a bit heavy on the makeup today. I thought you were going to a party later or something." Christine shrugged, sticking her arm out the car window, throwing out her cigarette as she blew the smoke out as well. 

"Oh. No, no I'm not going anywhere." Stevie shook her head, suddenly thinking that maybe she should have lied.

"Is everything okay with you, Stevie? You seem... withdrawn, I have to force every word out of you."

"Fine." Stevie faked a smile, glancing at Chris briefly.

"You know, you can talk to me right?" 

"Of course, but really, Chris, things are just fine." 

Christine wasn't buying it. She didn't want to come on too strong, so Stevie would shut her away completely. She had to do it one step at a time, so for now, Chris dropped the subject for as long as it took them to arrive at a place they had decided on for lunch.

"Are you upset because of how Lindsey treated you yesterday? Meaning that he basically paid no attention to you?" Christine tried again, once they sat down and ordered. 

"Not everything in my life revolves around Lindsey." Stevie replied, sounding a tad defensive. 

Christine just gave her a look, she wasn't fooled. "It's okay to be hurt, Stevie. You're always so strong, even you are allowed to be the one needing someone sometimes."

"I don't want to think about it, I just don't. I know I fucked up big time and Lindsey wants nothing to do with me. Yes, of course, I need him and I want him, but he's moving on and maybe that's the right thing for the both of us. Maybe I should forget about him and concentrate on my family."

A scoff passed through Christine's lips and she wasn't feeling at all apologetic. "There is no family. Hate me if you will for saying this, but you're tied to that man, because you wanted to have a child."

Surprisingly, instead of getting angry, Stevie dropped her eyes low, asking quietly. "And what's so wrong about that, Chris? Matthew is Robin's son, she was my best friend for such a long time, I wanted what's best for him. I still believe to this day, having his real father and me care for him is what's best for him. Robin and I were like sisters."

Sighing, Christine looked away, now thinking that what she said before might have been too harsh. "Maybe I'm wrong here, Steph, but was it the fact the boy is Robin's or is it simply you wanting to be a mother?"

"What's the difference?" Stevie shrugged, staring at her clasped hands in her lap.

"There's a huge difference. Being a Mum to Matthew, means being married to Kim. Having a baby of your own, means having them with the person you truly love."

Stevie's eyes suddenly brimmed with tears, confusing Christine slightly. "I... I doubt I can have children of my own."

"What? Why do you say that?" Christine reached across the table, taking Stevie's hand, squeezing gently. 

She wasn't proud of it, but... "I've slept with countless men, more often than not without using any protection. I've never once got pregnant after terminating with Don's baby until years later and I miscarried, because I did too fucking much cocaine..."

"Oh, honey..." Christine looked sympathetically at her friend, getting up from her seat to give her a hug. "Don't think that, maybe... Maybe it just wasn't meant to be any of those times. You've got time, you've got years ahead of you." 

"Years ahead of me, Chris? Forty isn't too far away." Reaching for a napkin, Stevie dabbed with it under her eyes without even thinking about it. She then put it away, some of the makeup wiped away on it.

"Stevie?" Christine frowned, tilting Stevie's chin up slightly.

 Stevie caught on quickly, pulling away, shaking her head. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing!" Christine raised her voice, unfazed by the people staring. Leaning in to take a closer look, she then asked more calmly. "Those are bruises, Stevie. What happened?"

"Let it go, Chris, please."

"We both know that's not going to happen." Shaking her head, Chris sat down again. "Is Kim to blame for this?"

Stevie didn't speak up right away and Chris didn't push her. "I provoked him. I came home later than he told me to, we started fighting, I said some things that would enrage any man and he just..."

"I don't give a shit what you told him, he can't do that! That's wrong, Stevie, so wrong. And what do you mean, he told you when to come home?"

"Doesn't matter. Just don't think about it. It won't happen again. I'll be fine." Stevie let all that out without stopping to take a breath as Christine looked at her, worried. 

"You're unhappy as it is, you're in a loveless marriage and now he's becoming an abusive asshole, too?"

"Goddamn it, Chris!" Stevie exclaimed, slamming her hand down on the table, once again causing several people to turn heads. 

"Alright. I'm not going to bring it up again if it doesn't happen again. But Stevie, please, if Kim raises a hand against you, don't hide it from me. I'll help you. We'll get you out of it."

Stevie just wanted to drop the whole subject, so she simply nodded, without looking at Chris.

The waiter returned with their food, then went away as quickly as he had approached them. Before digging in, Stevie lifted her eyes up, seeking out Christine's. "Please, do not let it slip with Lindsey around."