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Chapter 32

Blair

I couldn't believe I confessed everything I had always felt to Claire. I was the kind of person to keep everything I felt repressed, but everything had spilled out of me the other day. To be honest I didn't know how to feel about it. A part of me felt embarrassed and ashamed, but I also thought that it could be for the best.

Claire didn't hate me, I realized when she wanted to help me. She wasn't mad at me anymore and a part of me was relieved. I loved Claire and despite everything we had gone through, I wanted her to be at my side. Because of that, I decided not to drown in embarrassment from my confession. Especially since Claire was suddenly trying to spend as much time as possible with me.

Claire and I were walking to the cafeteria together. Neither of us spoke and my heart began to race as I thought of what would come. Claire wanted me to hang out with her new friend, Amber, Ryder, and her, because she thought I needed to be surrounded by positive people. I reluctantly agreed to that because she kept begging, but a part of me regretted it as I felt anxious. Being social was never something I was fond of, so I wasn't excited to meet people who were.

"Breathe Blair," Claire said, smiling as she looked over at me. "Amber and Ryder are the nicest people you'll meet. They don't bite."

I blushed at her words, surprised I had been caught. Claire then opened the doors to the cafeteria and we stepped in, side-by-side. I found my heart dropping, remembering my breakdown. My cheeks heated up as I wondered what my peers would do to me.

But as Claire and I walked to her new table, I noticed no one paid attention to me. I wasn't receiving the glares and rude words I'd been getting for days, which left me confused. Just yesterday my peers hated me, but suddenly they couldn't care less about me. I frowned at that, but then realized it was probably due to my breakdown. It was embarrassing, but I became thankful of it because I didn't want to deal with bullying. I couldn't handle it, so I sighed with relief.

Soon we reached Claire's table where Amber and Ryder sat, eating their lunches. Claire stood next to me and she was grinning at her friends who smiled back. I awkwardly stood where I was, feeling uncomfortable. Although I had talked to Ryder as Claire, I suddenly felt really awkward around him because as myself, we never really spoke.

"Hey guys, you know Blair, my twin sister," Claire said, pointing at me.

"Of course," Ryder said, smiling at me. "Hey Blair."

I couldn't help but smile back. Ryder was too sweet to be real. Glancing at Claire, I wondered why she never bothered to give him a chance.

"I'm Amber," Amber said. "It's nice to meet you Blair. I've heard a lot about you."

My face went red at those words and all of us went silent for a moment. Ryder shot Amber a look and Amber looked confused. Claire sighed and she went to sit at the table. Awkwardly, I followed her.

"What's up with the reaction?" Amber asked, frowning. "I've heard amazing things about Blair. I've heard about how smart and kind she is. It's a compliment."

Her words caught me off guard and I saw similar reactions from Claire and Ryder. But before I knew it, Claire was smiling, looking relieved.

"Blair is a genius," Claire said. "Seriously, she can study the day before an exam and ace it. She's going to be the next Albert Einstein."

"Damn," Ryder said, looking at me and raising his eyebrows. "You're going to go places."

Embarrassed from all the compliments they gave me, I blushed. But to my surprise, I found myself smiling. Their words touched me and looking at them, I wondered if maybe I'd been hanging around the wrong people. Maybe the reason why I never felt like I mattered was because I hung out around people who never cared enough to show me that I did.

"So, are you guys excited for prom?" Claire suddenly asked. "Because I am."

"Me too," Amber gushed. "Prom is going to be so much fun. It's crazy to think the day I've been waiting for since freshmen year is finally coming."

"I know right," Claire said, sighing happily. "Time flies by."

They began to talk about prom and I listened to them. But more than anything, I was paying to attention to Claire and how different she seemed. Although Claire always had an upbeat personality, she suddenly seemed so much more like herself in the was she expressed herself. She didn't seem to be restraining herself in any way and I found myself smiling at that thought. I had always thought Tori and her old friends had made her hide her true self, so it was nice to see it finally coming out.

"So, who are you asking to prom?" Claire asked Ryder, giving him a sly look. "Who's the lucky girl?"

Ryder blushed and I couldn't help but smile at that. He was so in love with Claire and I wished he would just tell her. The both deserved each other and I couldn't help but want Ryder to be happy.

"I... I don't know," Ryder said, shrugging nonchalantly. "I don't know if I should ask anyone to prom."

To my surprise, I blurted out, "You should. Seriously Ryder, we only have three months left of school. We regret the chances we don't take."

Everyone went silent for a moment and I felt embarrassed for saying what I said. Looking down, I forced myself not to cringe. Why was I such a loser?

"You're totally right," Claire said, bringing my attention to her. "Ryder, like you said life is too short and you need to start acting. If you're interested in a girl, don't just let her get away."

Ryder stared at Claire for a moment and Claire stared back. I noticed the affection in Ryder's eyes and looking at Claire, I wished she would stop thinking of him as just a friend. A part of me knew she'd be interested in him if she didn't force her mind to keep him in the friend zone.

"You're right, both of you," Ryder said, smiling at me. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You better," Amber said. "Seriously Ryder, I'm tired of watching you sit on the sidelines."

Ryder blushed again and I found myself smiling. Amber was totally right, I was tired of seeing Ryder sitting on the sidelines as well. He needed to act on his feelings before it was too late.

Everyone started talking about random things and to my surprise, I found myself contributing to their discussions. It was fun to talk about school, the news, and a bunch of random things. And for once, I didn't feel alone. I didn't feel left out and I didn't feel like I was a waste of space as everyone seemed to value what I had to say. It was really nice what Claire did for me and for the first time, I wondered if maybe I could actually be happy with my life. Maybe, I could even be happy with myself.