You Must Have Faith

Chapter Twenty-Two

Vera's POV:

I loved the thrill of war, 'tis true.  But the death and the carnage that it leaves behind is a menace that I will never get over.

As I wandered the halls, watching the weeping mothers and wives of the slain men, even a few fathers and brothers kneeling next to their still daughters, I felt my thoughts turning towards the days before Kira's "death".  Our adopted father, my beloved mentor, my benefactor, loved to teach us of war and strategy.  Those were the lessons that Kira loved, whilst I preferred learning of how to deal with the carnage afterwards.

How much abandonment can affect you, I mused to myself.  I found a distant corner, sitting down and watching the healers running around, desperate.  My mind wandered, letting my body recuperate in its own fashion as it busied itself in my memories.

"I know you don't love the strategy, Vera, but can you sit still for a moment until we move on?  It's your favorite part next." 

"But Milui!"  I chuckled at my younger self, back when I was first learning Sindarin, "kind" was one of the first words I had learned.  For whatever reason, it stuck with him.  Kira had taken to calling him "Adar" but I could never bring myself to say it.  

Another memory popped up, with the two of us in our feline forms climbing the trees hanging above the house.

"Thranduil, old friend, it is such a pleasure to have you join us."  Milui said, turning to the handsome Sindar walking beside him.  This other elf, whom I had never seen before, was supposedly a king from a far away place.  Milui told me that he ruled over the place that my ancestor's were from.  As they walked, the king turned and said something low in Sindarin that I couldn't understand.  They continued walking, and the next day I learned that he had left our house and was returning home to the far away place called "The Greenwood".  It sounded lovely to me.

I chuckled out loud at that one, oh how things have changed I smiled.  Another memory was beginning to pop up, when I felt a presence at the edge of my mind.  One that I hadn't felt in years, not since Kira and I had left for the Greenwood.

Milui?  I asked.  Vera, my sweet kitten.  The familiar, soft voice of my beloved mentor filled my head.  Argh, you know how much I hate that.

I know, Vera Koroleva.  I know.

Why the title?  Why now?

I could feel his sadness, his urgency through the link.

Sauron grows strong, it is dangerous for me to do this.  But I must warn you.  She will try to contact you.  Do not let her in, she will kill you before you hit the battlefield.

Milui, what do you-

A horrible clap of mental thunder echoed through my brain, and I cried out.  My sensitive ears were fine, but the headache that had appeared was awful.  

Yet another pressure hit my brain, this one also oh so similar, but so different than before.  Before I could rebuild my defenses, she attacked.

I had once entered the mind of an orc during a battle, long ago.  When Kira and I were still training in how to fight, our clan had captured an orc and pitted it against me.  When I had entered its mind, it was like climbing into a bag of rabid cats.  This was similar, but so much more powerful that I cowered back before her.  She was so far gone, that her strength was now in the insanity that was her mind, rather than the jabbing stabs of thought that she used to use.

"Dôl gîn lost."  I shuddered out, both verbally and mentally.  She increased her attack, proving me wrong with my initial thoughts.  She had become stronger than ever, combining her famous jabs with the unpredictability of her instability.

I could feel the blame in her thoughts, the nonverbal response to my stubborn insult.  Images of tortures that surpassed my comprehension filled my mind, attempting to draw me in and suck me under, deep into her thoughts.  Indescribable pain ripped through my body as she forced me to experience her memories.  Whips, chains, spikes, horrible needles.  The torture instruments were endless and blood covered, some fresh and some dried and caked.  

I could feel her accusation, her shoving her point of view of the day I lost her.  The fact that I didn't save her, that I didn't even care enough to go after my own twin... 

"Nin gwerianneg!"  I screamed my pain at her, vaguely hearing the sound of voices surrounding my physical body as my mind fought for its survival.  She recoiled slightly, taken aback by my own pain.  I retaliated, although whereas she fought with physical pain, I fought with the emotional pain of my years.  My abandonment, my broken heart.  My loneliness, my continues idea to just end it all, only stopped by the thought of her shame and the fact that I had a mission to accomplish, one that Milui wanted me to do.  I felt tears streaming down my face as I relived those memories, of days spent in a haze of grief.

"Ego, mibo orch!"  With a final, broken wail, I shoved her out and rebuilt my walls, breaking free of the malign influence of her mind in mine.  Opening my eyes, I saw the worried face of Thranduil kneeling before me, one hand feeling my forehead and the other bracing on the ground.  Relief spread across his face as he saw my eyes meet his.

"Are you alright?!"  He sounded worn thin from worry, on top of everything else on his mind.  I chuckled humorlessly, my voice cracking slightly from the tears now pouring down my face.  The wounds had been reopened, there was no barrier to protect me from my long buried pain.

"Yes, perfectly fine, if you count being mind-probed by your insane sister as being fine."

Worry was replaced by intense panic and fear, indeed I had never seen him so freaked out.

"Calm down Thranduil, I'll be alright.  Thankfully I had a bit of warning."

I ignored his stream of rushed questions, choosing to stand and shakily walk away to go collapse on a vacant cot.  I expected to weep freely now that I was out of his sight, but no.  I did the opposite.  Without him, I had no one to lean on, so I sucked it up and dried my tears.  The memories were still there, the tears were still looming, and the now ever-present threat of her reentering my mind was terrifying, but I couldn't afford the time to suffer over it.  We had a limited time to come up with a new attack plan, even less to carry it out. 

With that thought in mind, I pulled myself together, standing and gathering the captains, leading them before Thranduil and dragging them all to the great table where we planned.

Elvish (Sindarin) Translations (there's a lot this time):

Milui: Kind.  Vera's nickname for her mentor.

Adar: Dad or father.

Dôl gîn lost: Your head is empty.

Nin gwerianneg: You betrayed me.

Ego, mibo orch: Go kiss an orc (not completely sure if valid, general best guess).

A/N:  As I promised, this is going to be mass updated.  I really had a good time writing this chapter, I enjoyed finding the elvish translations for these, although it was a pain to make sure they were all Sindarin and not Quenyan.  This is rather heavy on backstory, but I wouldn't describe it as a filler chapter.  There is still some battle, although it is a mental battle rather than a physical one.  I hope you liked it, comment what you thought, and vote if you liked it.  Love you guys!