the royal smackdown

Chapter Eight

what the fuck lmao
~rattie

Chapter Eight - Woody

"Hey sexy Mama," I purred as I dropped the frying pan and sauntered over to her. I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her against my sexy body. The beautifully toned woman in front of me bit her bottom lip and slid her hands up my chest leaving a tingly feeling with her touch before pushing me away from her with a smirk. I pouted.

"I'm a lesbian." I guess that makes sense. Dwayne and I should have a threesome with her. "Also, I can read your thoughts. I'm not interested." Aw shit. I gave her a sad look, hoping she'll come around. She just shook her head and sighed, "We're twins. I'm no freak."

No wonder I was so aroused. She does look exactly like him. In fact. She sounds just like him too. Except this woman reeked of fish, so I knew that it wasn't Dwayne.

"Does he live with you?" I asked her. She shook her head and I nearly cried. I need to find my fine tuned, tanned hot boy. "Please tell me you at least own Moana."

The woman pushed away from the counter and into the living room. "Who do you think I am, some sort of sexually active whore? Nah boo, I own Moana. I own every fuckin' Disney movie out there. I may not be classy on the outside but I know shit. I know things," she stopped dead in her tracks and glared at me harshly. Jeez woman, what's your fuckin' problem huh? "Can I trust you?"

I had to stop and think for a moment. Could she? There was that one time when I was four and I told my mom I loved my sister when I really did hate her. And that other time I told my mom I didn't know what happened to my sister when I was the one who paid that strange man to kidnap her, but in my defence I didn't plan on him raping her, kidnapping her, and then murdering her brutally before raping her again and turning her into a literal skin suite. He's still out there, by the way. I didn't want to get too complicated, so I just shrugged and said yeah.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Okay, come with me then."

"WAIT are you that blonde woman from yesterday?" I had to ask.

"Whomst?" Wow, classy there Missy. Real fuckin' classy, trying to trick me there with her Shakespearian words. Real fuckin' trippy. "No, hun. She drugged and fucked you, before stealing your kittens."

I widened my eyes. What the fuck? You mean to say I'm not a virgin anymore? I was saving myself for Dwayne! I never even fucked my cat wife Susan. I can't believe she had the guts to do that. No one talk to me right now. This isn't good, no. I'm not having a good time. What a fucking- forgive me father- slutty cunt fucking whore piece of white trash shit cuck fucking trashy skanky prostitute AIDS infested no good rotten little stinky fishy cock sucking cumslut. Jesus fucking christ. She's going to have to pay.