the royal smackdown

Chapter Nine

i'm an adult now, writing this.
-not an author

Chapter Nine - Growing Up

If I, Johnathon Clinton-Cena, was going to get my kits back I was going to need some balls. By balls, I mean bowling balls. The only way I can get my thinking cap on is at Summers Lanes, down on Fifth St. And yes, I did change my last name because I voted for Hill-Dog.

"What you waitin' on boy?" Dwayne's sister asked me. To be frank, I forgot her name. Let's call her Rhode-Jesus. Or RJ for short.

Within moments of telling her the plan, she whipped me out of the window and I fell directly into the trash bin outside. Holy fuck man, I'm winded to hell. That was absolutely God awful. But, right beside me was the most glorious mustard yellow late 70s BMW sports model. Hers or not, I dusted my ass off and walked over to graze it. Mmmmmmm. Sexy.

See, I can like straight boy things too.

"You like what you see baby?" RJ's sultry voice purred in my ear. Goddamn, how did she get here so fast? And with that, she unlocked the car and eyed me. "You gonna come in or what?"

"This thing got aux?"

And with that, we were speeding off into the peculiar city.

Summers Lanes was a ghost town today. I'm talking tumbleweeds and dustbunnies type beat. The only other person in this joint was some miserable little teenager behind the counter, staring off into space.

"Hello!" RJ shouted at the twerp, flailing her finely manicured nails in his face. His nametag read 'Timmy'

Oh shit! "He's got AirPods in. Oh fuck, he can't hear us!" I let her know, since I was hip after all.

She slapped him, and I mean full on bitch slap with no remorse. He took out his AirPods, and when he wasn't looking I swiped them. You think I'm rich enough to afford a pair?

We bought our shoes and time in the lanes, so long as he could join us. He said he was lonely, and being a proud new father, I couldn't deny. After all, I'm not going to go out and buy cigarettes one day at the gas station without coming back.

That's when I wore my thinking cap. Memories of my babies.. my kits.. came flooding into my eyes. As I caressed the curves of this platinum coloured bowling ball, the sound of it hitting the floor seemed to echo through my ears as I got a vision. My God it hurt like hell, what the fuck is this about?

"Daddy....."

"Daddy....."

I looked around me, I couldn't see a thing. Where am I?

"Daddy...."

There it was again, the pitchy little voice ringing out, calling to me. Where is it coming from?

"Where are you?!" I shouted into the cold darkness.

Nothing.

"This isn't a fucking funny prank come on asshole! Show yourself clown- I was on WWE!!" I raged, pretty annoyed at this point.

Suddenly, against my ear, "Daddy."

And then I woke up on the cold bowling alley floor.