Escape from High School

Chapter 4

Weeks passed before I was able to talk with Ariana on the phone without having her break down. No movie nights, no nothing. I felt so guilty all the time, so greedy, so selfish.

Zayn had already forgotten about Ariana, his new boyfriend's name was Liam. They look cute, but I can't help feeling guilty every time I see them together in school. It feels as if I had made him gay.

I learned so much about Ariana in those weeks. It was as if I hadn't know her for all of this time. She told me all the things she did with that scumbag. They did a little bit more than just kissing.

After some time the feeling of guilt went away, and I convinced myself that I did the right thing. I mean, nothing can change the fact that Zayn's gay, right?

In the absence of Ariana I had only one thing to do: try to find someone to trust other than Her. I mean, it's not that I want to replace her, I just want to hang out with someone that's not crying all of the time, you know? I get tired of listening to someone crying all of the time, I also have issues to deal with, and I just couldn't tell her my issues with her being heartbroken. Of course, anytime she needed someone to lean on, I was there, but I just couldn't always just be waiting for her to cry on me, as if I didn't have a care in the world. Of course I care about her, probably more than I should, but I needed to be free, just for a bit. Meet new people. Then came a new girl...

Her name was Demetria. She was my age, but from another group. We hung out in lunch time for about A week or so and I instantly became attached. Damn, why do I get attached to every single girl that shows even a tiny bit of interest in me? I know nobody likes me, I mean, who the hell likes sad, insecure boys? Girls only go after dreamy guys with abs and other things I simply do not have. It's as if I may never be perfect to a girl, simply because my face isn't pretty, I don't have abs and all I do in life is write in this journal. Why can't girls just notice my personality? Is that too much to ask?

The thought of dying alone eats me up everyday, I just can help it. I try, but I can't. I told Demetria about this and she said "Somebody will, someday. Just wait." How much longer do I have to wait? Have I not waited long enough? Did I do something to deserve all of this?