In Love with a Male Stripper

Chapter Three

17 YEARS LATER

"Aw, fuck it." Edgar exclaimed, sitting up in his bed. It's the same one he's always had for the past 27 years. He's 36 years old, and still sleeping in his Lightning McQueen bed. Edgar decided to walk up to his salamander, Dicky's cage.

"Heyyy, Dicky! How's it going, man? Here's your food." Edgar dropped the food into the cage. The salamander looked at his owner for a moment, but then went to his food. He didn't say anything, however, as salamanders don't wield the brain capacity to speak with us humans.

"Well, today's the day, Dicky." Edgar said to his salamander pal. "Today's the day i apply for a new job as an FBI agent. Federal BOOB INSPECTOR, AMIRITE?!? UP TOP, DICKY!"

Dicky gave Edgar a look that was...completely blank, because, well, he's a salamander, after all.

No. but really. Edgar will be applying to be a federal boob inspector, at Big Breasted Billy's, a local fishing shop. Someone's gotta do it. Plus, since Edgar has majestic features, he will be able to win every lady he sees and get a chance to inspect the boobies. Too bad he's a fuckin cunt, but so are you, so it's okay. Everyone can be a cunt. Anyways, Edgar's luscious, wavy red hair, and his dark brown line of freckles are almost irresistible, in fact, they're quite irresistible. Edgar is quite the charmer. It's a wonder why the only sexual contact he's ever had is that one time he experimented with Dicky, but...let's not get into that tragic tale.

Edgar walked into his walk in closet and put on one of his best button up shirts, a nice salmon colored one. It's totally not gay. He added a vest that is covered in upside down crosses and some nice dress pants. He put on some dress shoes, went outside to his car and skedaddled the fuck out of there. He's heard some weird shit coming from his closet, so he's not taking any chances.

"Not today, Jesus. Not today." Edgar thinks to himself while starting up his sexy car, none other than a slick, bold, red Mini Cooper. He then drove off to the sick joint that is Big Breasted Billy's.

"Hello." Edgar walked into the sick joint that is Big Breasted Billy's.

"Sup bitch." A fat man with big moobs sat at the front counter. "I'm Big Breasted Billy, welcome to my sick joint."

"Why greetings." Edgar approached Billy. "I am here for a breast inspection interview."

"Ah, yes." Billy scratched his jizzy crotch, remembering Edgar's name somewhere. "I remember your name somewhere. Come follow me. Delai'za, get your phat ass over here."

A young black girl came out of a room near the front desk. It was none other than Delai'za Crackweed.

"Whats up, Billy?"

"Watch the store while i interview this cunt"

"Gotcha boss."

Edgar followed Billy into a room in the back. There were many posters of nude women, and nude fish, and nude fish women. Spicy, Edgar thought.'

"Now," Billy began, "You want to be a boob inspector, huh?"

"You bet your ass i do."

"Well then." Billy kracked his knuckles. "I can make you a star."

Billy opened up one of the drawers of the desk he was sitting at and slapped an anime mouse pad on the surface.

"Here you go." Billy looked at Edgar with serious eyes. "Inspect these boobs thoroughly."

Edgar was... shocked...to see such a glorious rack. He couldn't wait to squeeze the milk out of those bad girls. He took a deep breath, and squeezed the boobies. Well, that's what he expected, but the boobies were actually rock solid. Nothing at all like a real breast. Edgar threw his arm away, as it was very painful.