Phases Eight

Phase 12 Cold Memory

You are the fire that keeps me warm from the cold memories inside me.

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"Nick likes red roses? Why does Nick likes red roses? Does he has a valentine?" wondered Jake.

Jake's first work was to learn about Amy's alters. By the time he reached Nick who was Amy's second alter, he created a storm of questions.

Jake and Amelia were in the mansion's private library on the west wing, which consisted of two floors. Jake was in the first floor, and Amy was in the second. She got a good vantage point from where she was able to look at Jake, but he couldn't.

Amy was impressed on watching Jake learn. Jake showed pure involvement. Involvement in reading each and every detail of hers. Like a preschooler preparing for final exams, he read a line from the document Amy prepared and looked up at the ceiling to recollect the information.

In between, he had inner conflicts in comparing theoretical knowledge with the practical knowledge he gained. At times he nodded his head in agreement, and most of the time his face was scrunched up like he was about to puke.

While Jake was deep in his thoughts, Amy observed few of his mannerisms. His thumb involuntarily broke the knuckles of the other fingers, making his muscles flex in a smooth rhythmic pattern. Jake being a racer with a constant adrenaline pump in his nerves, found it impossible to be immobile. Constantly he shifted seats and loitered around the book shelves while reading.

Whenever Jake climbed the stairs in the pretext of searching for books, Amelia pretended to be busy reading a book. Her eyes were laid only on Jake for the past three hours.  

Amelia wanted to talk. To share her feelings with someone who would understand her. Who would ask her if she was alright whenever she underwent pain. Who would hold her hand whenever she fell ill. Who would understand her, and be her.

But whenever she tried to get close to someone, they ignored her and loathed her, like she was a monster. People never understood that she was also a girl. A typical girl who was scared by herself. Who would think that a recluse like Amelia had a longing for a family? A longing for love. A longing to be noticed and a longing to be sought after.

Amelia was never the reason for her current self as a cold and heartless being. They made her. The people around her, fed her with hatred and remorse. She lost her hope on love, life and all the cliches that made a human life complete. She had created a safe wall around herself. She didn't want to open a gate for someone and be destroyed again.

Jake climbed the staircase for the fifth time. Amy went back to her act of reading a book on forensic medicine. She felt the book's weight on her hand increasing as he walked closer to her. All the defense she formed around herself shattered to useless junk.

Amelia's heart skipped a beat when Jake tripped on a table on the way. He lurched forward, but managed to stand. As Amy opened her mouth to ask if he was alright, a pair of invisible hands shut her mouth. A cold whisper replayed in her head.

Never be the caring one

Amy acted like she didn't see anything that happened. She looked up from the book casually and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Amy, does Nick loves someone?" asked Jake.

"Wh..Why do you ask like that?"

"Here, you've mentioned that Nick likes red roses. A red rose is a sign of love, isn't it?" his forehead creased in doubt

"Maybe he likes to see them over your head stone"  Even if Nick had a love, Amy never had the chance to know about it. Each one of her alters had their private lives in different corners of the world, which they refused to share with her.