My New Best Friends: A South Park X Reader

Chapter 1: Getting There is Half the Fun

Your POV:

"Oh honey, you'll be fine. You will be able to move when you grow up. And who knows, you may end up liking this town."
"No Mom! I don't want to go. What about all my friends back home in (H/t)? I don't want to leave them. Besides, I bet this place won't have any other kids," I grumble back at my mother.
I, (Y/n) (L/n), am being forced to leave (H/t), my hometown, to God knows where. My mom got a new line of work as a nurse. Of course, it ended up being in a completely different town, so we're moving.
"You know, if they didn't have any other kids, they wouldn't have a middle school," Mom reminds me.
"Then they probably aren't nice kids."
"(Y/n), you haven't even been to the town yet. How would you know what the kids are like?"
"I don't. That's why I said probably."
"Don't get smart with me, young lady."
"Sorry."
"Hey, look."
We pass a sign that says South Park. We reach a little gray house, in contrast to all the other colorful houses on the street. "Honey, if you want to, I can unpack while you go and find some friends," Mom offers.
"Okay Mom."
I walk out of the house and down the street. I'm never going to find friends here, I thought, wrapping my (F/c) scarf tighter around the lower half of my face. I can't find any other kids, and I'll be the new girl. I bet I-
My thoughts are cut off when a stick hits me in the head. It has a different shape than others, like it was... powerful. When I held it, I felt like I could rule the world. Don't be an idiot (Y/n), I mentally scolded. It's just a stick.
"HAND OVER THE STICK!"
I jumped at the voice. I stuck the stick in my inner coat pocket and began to run. But I didn't get far before I hit a hard wall. But this wall had arms? I looked up and saw that it wasn't a wall, but it was, in fact, a human. A boy, to be exact, wearing a blue chullo hat. "So you're a thief like me," he says, emotionless.
This guy's a thief? I mentally gasp. I try to break free of his grasp, but he holds on too tightly. "Good job, Feldspar!" a slightly shaky voice calls.
"Thanks, Paladin Butters," the boy, assuming him to be Feldspar, answers. "Let's get him back to base."
"Gotcha."
Suddenly I feel a huge pain on the back of my head, and everything goes black.

-----------------

I am awakened with a kick to the stomach and a rude greeting. "Get up," Feldspar mutters.
"What a way to treat your guest," I shoot back.
"Guest? You are not a guest here in the Kingdom of Kupa Keep, elf," a new voice sneers.
I look up. I am sitting, tied up, in a tent with many boys in strange outfits. My focus is on a huge kid sitting in the middle. He wore a wizard hat and carried a staff. "You are an enemy of the Humans. Luckily, Paladin Butters here finally did something right for once-" He motions to a blond haired kid next to him- "by knocking you out, and Feldspar actually ad the strength to carry your fat ass up here."
"OI!" Feldspar and I yell in unison.
"I am strong!" Feldspar scoffs.
"Your ass is fatter than mine, kid," I remind the boy.
"Hey, that's Grand Wizard King to you, asshole!" The kid yells.
"Wait, so are you a wizard or a king?" I ask.
"I'm a wizard and a king... a wizard-king, yes... No, I'm not a king of wizards, I'm a king that happens to be a wizard. I thought your king went over this with you," the Wizard King responds.
I shake my head and he sighs. "Okay then, why don't you join me in my quest for the Stick of Truth."
My eyes widen. The Stick of Truth? That must be the stick I have in my pocket, I thought. "No," I say.
He steps back, shocked from the quick reaction. "Wh-What?" He sputters. "Why not?"
"You seem like an asshole."
The others look at me, speechless. "Uh, I wouldn't speak to His Highness that way," Paladin Butters mumbles.
The King's expression twists into one of anger. "Well then. Ranger Scott Malkinson, go get the elves' attention. We'll see how this thief reacts when he sees his King's true colors." And with that, the King is gone.
Everyone shares a look of slight remorse before dispersing. Feldspar throws me over his shoulder and walks out of the tent. As we walk in the cold winter air, I hear a loud rabble of voices, second only to the deafening voices of the King and yet another new voice. "JUST LISTEN UP YOU FUCKING ELF!" The King roars.
"MAKE IT QUICK FATASS!" The other voice retorts.
"We have something you'd like to see."
The Wizard King smirks evilly and motions Feldspar forward. He walks to the borderline and throws me down.
"There! What do you think of that, Elf?" The Wizard King says smugly.
I look at the boy in front of me. His green ushanka is adorned with a crown of twigs, and a red robe flows down his shoulders. A golf club is brandished in front of him. Standing next to him is another boy wearing a helmet, protecting his friend with a dagger. They both shoot me confused looks. "Uh, Cartman, we don't know this guy," the knight speaks up.
The Wizard King, or, should I say, Cartman, is outraged. "What? He's not our warrior! It doesn't matter. I found him first, so I should get him. Besides, he has the Stick!"
The elves gasp. "Feldspar, get the stick," Cartman orders.
After checking my pockets, Feldspar begins to reach up my coat. "Oi! Get your hands off of me!" I scold as he gets dangerously close to my chest.
Feldspar retracts his arm, surprised. Then he reaches up my shirt once more. His hands find my chest and he squeezes.
"Dude!" I yelp. Ignoring me, Feldspar stands up and takes my scarf and hat off. "Just as I suspected," he says. "The thief is a girl."