Never Let This Go *Paramore*

Chapter Five: Dreaming

"What are you so scared of?

Judgement's not unfair,

It's what we've learned to see.

What are you afraid of?

This is not unheard of

Nothing's how it wasn't always meant to be.

Always meant to be."

-What Are You So Scared Of; Tonight Alive

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Hayley's P.O.V.

"I'm going to shower if that's okay," I tell Taylor as we walk down the hall to each of our rooms. I'm still shaking after the coldness, and I'm soaked.

"Yeah, I am too...I want to get out of these wet clothes," he responds. It's my fault he's so wet, cold, and tired. I'm such an idiot.

I walk into the guest room, practically dripping. I grab a t-shirt and pajama pants and basically run into the shower. The water is so hot it stings. I make it as hot as it can get and eventually grow used to it. I don't bother washing my hair; just the rest of me. I suddenly feel the need for the water to be hotter, so I turn the shower handle to the left, realizing it can't get any hotter.

I start to furiously shake and pull on the handle basically begging the water to get hotter. Nothing. It need to be as hot as possible; I don't know why, but it does. After probably two full minutes of pulling on the handle, I start to shake even more. My breathing is heavy now, and I'm terrified of nothing. My chest is pounding, not just my heart, but my chest. I'm having a panic attack.

I turn off the water and quickly dry off and get dressed, still having a panic attack on the way. Without drying my hair or anything special, I run out into the guest room and try to find my phone. I look under and on the bed, on the dresser, my bags, and everything. No trace of it. Where is my phone when I need it most?

I run out into the living room and look on the coffee table, the couches, and under the pillows. The panic attack is still going on and is actually worse than before. Despite the burning hot shower, I'm freezing. Next I check the kitchen.

I scan the counters, and find nothing. It's not on the island on the mini bar. Tears start to fill my eyes. I can't cry over this though...I just can't. I'm shaking more than before and my breathing is still heavy. "Hey, are you okay?" Taylor asks me popping up out of nowhere.

"What- of course! I'm fine!" I say. A completely lie of course.

"Hayley your barely breathing and you're shaking like there's no tomorrow," he says sounding concerned, walking toward me as I sit on the couch.

"It's just a panic attack," I tell him. The shaking is still intense and my breathing is heavy still as well. This is one long panic attack.

"How was your shower?" he asks me. The question triggers my breathing to get noticeably worse and now I start to cry. He has his hand on the small of my back and to be honest, it is quite comforting. Especially in this situation. "You don't have to answer that,"

"Where is my phone?" I ask him trying to breathe. This is not a normal panic attack; this is far worse than that would be. I would know.

"I don't know, why?" Taylor asks. "You want to use mine?"

"No," I say. This call needs to end up private between me and the person on the other end. "I need my phone," I get up and walk out, and into the guest room. I'm a mess. Eventually my breathing slows down, and I shake less. My legs feel like jelly, even though that's probably the lack of food talking.

I shut the door, and walk over to my bag of junk in the corner. I grab my hair dryer and, well, dry my hair. I came oh so prepared, didn't I?

Once I'm finished, I decide to go to bed, even though it's only about 11:00. I lay in the bed, not able to fall asleep for literally hours. I think about...everything. Chad stinking Gilbert, my panic attack, the lack of food and water I've been consuming, my scars, and everything else bad. The last time my clock reads before I can fall asleep is 2:00.

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My heart is beating out of my chest, and he leans in toward me. This is is; this is when we start our relationship. I've been waiting for this for too long. The kiss we first share is small, but the butterflies are causing a tornado in my stomach.

He kisses me again, and this time it's more passionate. His hands are wrapped around me, and mine are tangled in his wet hair. Our tongues are fighting at this point for dominance. I win.

He picks me up, still kissing me, and carries me up the stairs, he walks into the guest room for some reason, putting me down. I can't let go now. He pushes me to the wall and pulls back. The force he put on the push made me almost fall, and something was on the wall.

As soon as I hit it, the long, sharp object impaled me. The pain and confusion is unbelievable and horrid. I freeze with fear as I look at the man I thought liked me. Loved me. I know I loved him. Now we're just past tense. This is not only the end of us, but the end of me. My life, more like. Why would he do this?

A tear slips down my face as I'm unable to scream or cry out. There isn't time for that. "It was your time," he whispers.

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I scream in horror as I wake up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. Chad used to hold me when I had a nightmare. He would lay with me and tell me everything was okay, and that he would protect me. I loved that. I loved when he held me. I still do.

Taylor runs in looking concerned (again) and looks at me. I'm sitting up on the bad with my head in my hands, just realizing my tear stained cheeks. "I'm sorry I screamed," I tell him before he speaks. "I'm fine, it was just a nightmare,"

"You want to talk about it?" he asks me standing by the door. I nod my head no and he sighs. "I wish you would just talk to me, Hayley. I wish you would stop lying too. I'm just trying to help," I look up at him expressionless. He's been nothing but kind to me, yet I push him away. Before I could speak, he walks out.

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Whoops! I'm a bad writer! Short chapter part 100000! YAH!

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