The Thirty Something Snap

Chapter Thirteen - All In The Contrast

By the time I arrived back at my condo in Merrick I was a basket case. I was simultaneously excited about my upcoming Friday night date with Brenda and heartbroken over the apparent development in Penny's life that she was getting back together with her ex-husband, David.

"I should be happy for Penny," I thought.

I don't know why I let myself fall in love. I should never let that happen. Like the song says, I'll never fall in love again. Except it's too late. I can feel it. Maybe it'll go away. Maybe after I spend some time with Brenda I'll stop thinking about Penny. Maybe I'll fall in love with Brenda.

"No," I continued to think. "That can't happen. Brenda is eleven years younger than me. When she's my age I'll be 50. Oh my God. FIFTY!? I couldn't be with a fifty year old so what makes me think Brenda's going to want to be with a fifty year old? Then, when Brenda is fifty, I'll be SIXTY ONE! Oh no, oh no. This won't work. What was I thinking? Sixty one! That's almost as old as Sylvia."

Sylvia? I suddenly realized that if Penny wasn't going to the Wrap Party on Friday then that would leave poor Sylvia out. And Sylvia was so looking forward to that party.

I quickly signed on to the work-from-home program and loaded the Skype app. It was 2:30 p.m. Penny should be back from her lunch break by now. When Skype loaded it indicated that Penny Lhuillier was not logged on.

We had once agreed that we would limit cell phone calls between us to be used only during off hours but this couldn't wait and so I quickly dialed Penny's number.

"Howard? Are you okay?" Penny asked as soon as she answered her phone.

"Yes, I'm okay, Penny." It was so good to hear her voice even though I had just spoken to her a few hours earlier.

"You're out of breath," Penny remarked. "What's wrong?"

I loved the caring in her voice. I wished I could have bottled it. "Penny," I replied, "I was just thinking that if you're skipping the Wrap Party on Friday then maybe I could come by and pick up Sylvia. What do you think?"

"Oh, that is such a sweet thought, Howard," Penny responded. "Yes. Yes, of course you can pick up Sylvia."

"Okay," I replied, "I'll do that." I paused and then said, "Penny, I wish I never started working from home. I miss our long lunch breaks we used to take together. I miss going up to the rooftop garden with you and just shooting the breeze. I think I'm going to tell Richard I'm going to commute again."

"Really?" Penny said. "That would be great. And, speaking of the rooftop garden, that's where I am right now."

"You are?"

"Yes," Penny replied. "I'm with David. He surprised me right after I was finished speaking to you this morning. He looks great, too. I can't wait to introduce you to him. He wants to help with the 'Hitchhiker's Guide To Europe' campaign. Isn't that great?"

My heart sunk down to my feet. I managed to get out a "Yeah."

"You're breaking up, Howard, I'm having a hard time hearing you."

I disconnected the call for fear that Penny would perceive my sadness. I figured she would assume the cell-phone connection became bad and that we were cut off by technology.

I sat at my kitchen table and looked out the window onto Smith Street. Two boys on bicycles rode past and I had a flashback of my own childhood riding these same streets in Merrick. "Why can't life be like it was back then?" I thought. "Why do we have to fall in love anyway? Why can't we just live like children do? Peter and Ellen don't realize how great they have it. They love each other, they play together, work together, go through good times and bad together. Just like the marriage vows say. I guess I had that, too, but I blew it."