Going Nowhere - Xavier's Story

Chapter Five - This Was Karma

I drove to the hotel and showered. I couldn't think straight with the sweet smell of her attached to me. The guys were all still asleep, the remnants of the night before were obviously affecting them a little. I dressed in fresh clothes and tied my hair back. The drive back to her place was terrifying. Once I'd made the decision to tell her the truth, I knew that today would be our judgement day. The day where she decided just how she wanted to proceed.

I pulled into her driveway and ignored the racing of my heart. After years of performing I'd never once been gripped with stage fright, but faced with Scarlett? The fear of fucking it all up was almost too much to bear. I walked up the path and looked up at the open door. I wanted to take it as a sign that maybe subconsciously her door was open to me... but my withered heart was just being abstract.

I walked through the door and noticed her sitting at the table out of the corner of my eye. I focused on her, flickers of last night spliced into my memory. The way she had wanted me, it was what I had always wanted, but not the way I wanted it.

"About last night, I don't remember a whole lot, but I know I threw myself at you." Scarlett exclaimed quickly. I frowned, It was like she'd read my mind even though it wasn't possible. She blushed and looked away.

"It's fine." I replied as I picked my wallet and jacket. "Like you said, you're not my type."

I hadn't meant to be facetious, I was here to tell her the truth, to admit I had feelings for her, to lay it all out on the line. But now I was here and she was in front of me, I wasn't sure I could do it.

"Still you were a gentleman. You took care of me, and I was an idiot. I called you out on stuff I know nothing about." She spoke softly, her eyes were laced with truth as she locked on to mine. "I'm sorry." she continued.

My heart raced again, she didn't outright hate me, I couldn't stop the smile that crossed my face. Just knowing that Scarlett appreciated any part of what I had done filled me with a sense of happiness... and happy was something I'd not been able to feel in the longest time. I shrugged and sat down, it was now or never.

"You're right though. I have a reputation, an accurate one. It isn't your fault you don't know why." I exclaimed lowly. The last few years flashed inside my mind like a horror movie. I wanted more than anything to forget, but forgetting wasn't possible. I had to live with what I had done.

"Explain it to me then, you've got nothing to lose by telling me." She replied, I watched her, enamored by her understanding. She wanted me to open up to her.

I just couldn't, not about Lucy and the accident.

"Actually that couldn't be further from the truth." I replied looking down. Admitting my less than perfect ways were due to the fact I couldn't have her was one thing, admitting they were compounded by the fact I had caused the death of someone was quite another. She'd never want someone messed up like me.

She sighed. "I know we're not friends, but I"

I looked up and stopped her, "Why aren't we friends. Tell me." I whispered.

"High school. We were different, you disliked who I was..." She exclaimed, her voice shook slightly and I wondered why.

"I didn't dislike who you were. I disliked the idiots you called friends." They had used her and hurt her... and it had killed me to watch it happen.

"So you say, but it was me you humiliated. It was me you called fake. You posted a video of me dancing like a nutcase at the family Christmas party. Call it fun and games, but it hurt." She spat out her words like she had been waiting forever to say them. My heart sank, the smile in her eyes was gone.