Depression | BTS Jimin

Chapter 1

The words they were speaking were all jumbled inside my head. I could barely hear them. I almost couldn't hear what they were saying. But I could still hear them, very faintly.

"Hani?"

I knew my mom was talking to me and yet, I couldn't pull myself back to reality.

"Hani," she shook me as they tried to get me to refocus on what we had been talking about.

I could barely make out the words she was speaking as I was inside my own little head. It was my own way of trying to feel a little better.

But it never did work.

"Are you okay?" Those words brought me back from my small little daydream.

Those words..

Are you okay?

I always said the same thing every single time.

So why does she ask me anymore?

"I'm fine." I forced a small smile onto my lips as I looked at my mother.

"You're not." She sighed as she put her hand on my shoulder.

Every time she looked at me she looked so lost. Like she didn't know what to do exactly. She never did understand how I could be so sad. Especially with how much of an amazing life I have right in front of me.

But you see, no matter how good or amazing of a life you have, that doesn't change what happens that could pull you right under. Even when you try to stay above the ground, it never seems to work.

"You have therapy today. Get dressed." She gave me a smile before walking out of my room.

Therapy..

That was the last thing I ever wanted to do..

*

The drive was so silent, it was almost deafening. But I didn't want to say a word to my mom.

That is until she spoke up.

"Why can't you tell me why you're like this?" She sighed as she glanced over at me from the corner of her eye.

"Like what?" I looked over at her as I gave her a confused expression.

"You act like you're depressed but you can't possibly be so sad when you're life is going so well."

My mom isn't usually like this. Sometimes she gets frustrated with me. She gets frustrated because she thinks I could easily not be depressed anymore if I didn't want to be. But she doesn't even understand how hard it is for me every single day that I'm here. She doesn't understand how depression even works.

"I don't act like anything.." I mumbled.

"Hani, I've known you since you were little. I know you haven't always been this way." You could hear the frustration in her voice as she spoke.

It always made me nervous when she got mad at me. It never helped anything. It only made matters worse for me.

"Yeah, I haven't always had depression. That's because you aren't born with it, mom.." I spoke so quietly that it was almost inaudible.

"I just don't understand how you even have depression." She sighed once again.

"You don't understand anything.."