Stand-in~~Bo Burnham

"I think you've blown this month's rent on pizzas."

"Woe is the life of a college student."

"But really, you weigh 125 pounds. Do you really need three large pizzas?"

"Only two are mine. I was kind enough to purchase one for you."

"My point is that you can't live off pizza for four years."

"Many generations have done it before me! I'm simply carrying on an old and dignified tradition!"

"Truly, you are a model citizen." I said, taking a piece that she was just about to grab. "But if you keep eating like this, you're going to just be a citizen."

"Some of us can't be as athletic as you, you freak." Zoey joked. I shrugged.

"You're jealous of my in-shapeness and I'm jealous of your hips. We're even." I said, then kicked off my shoes into my room and hoisted myself up onto the narrow kitchen counter. "Have you written anymore of that song?" I asked Zoey, who had made herself a nest on our second-hand couch, surrounded by her pizzas, empty Coke cans, and her laptop.

"Yeah, I did. And I put the word 'boobs' in it, just for you!" Zoey said, smirking. I laughed. "How were piano lessons?"

I groaned. "I hate them."

"Come on, the girl's only seven!"

"It's Wednesday. I have the 12-year-old."

"Oh." Said Zoey. "He's a little shit."

"I know!" I exclaimed. "I don't know how to get him to listen to me. He told me he hates piano lessons. Well, so do I."

"Did he tell you Harper was a lesbian name again?"

"No. Which is good, because he'd probably be thrown onto the tracks of the Metro."

"Harper is kind of a lesbian sounding name." Zoey said. I glared at her. "Come on, you're a young, cute girl who lives with another girl. You have had like, two boyfriends in your lifetime. You're a little bit lesbian."

"You're a little bit of a dick." I retorted, but we were just bantering. Zoey was teasing me because it was late, and she knew I was tired. And I was grumpiest when I was tired. That's why I teased her in the mornings when she was grumpiest. We had a strange relationship.

But Zoey was my absolute best friend. My spunky side-kick. My partner-in-crime. My co-writer and my roommate. She had enough emotions for the both of us. Which was good, because I'm a sociopath.

It was funny how unbalanced we were. Zoey was deep and complex and I was about as blunt as they come. She had feelings spilling out of her at every moment of the day and my emotional range went from slightly upset to mildly amused. She could hardly be bothered to move from the couch to the kitchen, and I played five sports.

We did have a lot in common though.

1. We're both 19.

2. We are both fans of painting things bright colors (you should see our apartment, every wall is different).

3. We can sing (Zoey is better than I am, but I can harmonize like a freaking pro).

4. We're insane.

There's way more, but that's the gist of it. Zoey and I moved in together when we started college. And here we are, halfway through our freshman year and our lives have gone absolutely no where.

I give piano lessons (I play a bunch of instruments, but piano is my speciality) to pay for rent. I hate it. It's boring, tedious, and pointless. I always figured that piano would be my career, but this is not a career. I was a physics major, minoring in music. Weird combination, I know. But I make excellent grades (not sure how, I sleep through most of my classes) and excel at my music and am a star athlete.