notes {k.th p.jm}

note #5

'I'm tired of playing these games
there's broken hearts
ruined thoughts
destructiveness in every word
why do I even bother?
hold me'

I changed.

I died my hair black.

I started rubber bracelets.

I started talking back to the bullies.

You tried to bully me again today.

But you were shocked when I snapped.

I told you to "please get fucking lost, or even better, please fucking die."

Your eyes were wide in shock.

I remember clenching my fist.

I remember my vision going blurry.

You never expected to get an answer.

Yet you did.

The expression on your face was priceless.

Don't come to me and pretend like you care.

Because I know you don't.

You're still right though.
All of the stuff you always said.
If it would make you happy,
If it would make you stop,
Then I'll kill myself.

After all, you don't like me.

You don't want to be my friend.

You stopped bothering.

I'm surprised that I haven't killed myself yet to be honest.

You said I was dumb.

You said I was ugly.

You said I was worthless.

You said I was fat.

You called me a 'fag'.

You even punched me and kicked me.

But that's okay.

I know my place in this world.

Which is not being here at all.