Fear's Union

Chapter Nineteen

-Aran-

Why hadn't he done anything? It was Aran's opportunity to prove himself as more than just a clothing rack, but he hadn't taken it. Instead he'd cowered by the wall while two young women protected him. By the Sister he was pitiful. He stroked his shoulder.

"Why didn't you do anything?" He didn't really need his uselessness reinforced.

It was the deepest type of night, the time when even the Stranger had sunk west. It was so late that even the drunks had gone silent, but he was up, and he was observing. This was definitely his last chance.

"Well?" She glared at him accusingly. Was this really the best time for such a conversation?

"I was scared." There was nothing like the truth to quiet an interrogation, and here it worked perfectly. But it wouldn't work in front of the Seat; they didn't want excuses. Tonight, he had to succeed.

Of course, the Delfinian General had to play his part too, and so far he hadn't. The narrow house that had been identified as his residence was as dead as the rest of Saphos, and that meant only one thing. There was time for more questioning.

"Aran, do you want to be a mandahoi?"

That was a stupid question. Of course he did! Well actually, he wanted a life away from his past, and service as a mandahoi gave him that. He also got to spend time with Anejo, and that was amazing. Except when she was quizzing him. So he did want the life of a mandahoi, and that was that.

But did he truly want to be a soldier? Probably not. His mild nature did not fit at all well in the Mandahoi psyche.

"Of course I do." He stroked his shoulder and the darkness purred inside him.

She stared at him, like she wanted to see deep into him. She really didn't want to see that. He looked at the building that housed the General, just to avoid Anejo's inquisition. There was still no movement.

"Well you don't behave like you want to be a mandahoi. We could really have done with your help yesterday, and you would have painted yourself in golden shades if you'd done anything. Anything. Instead you cowered. Why?"

It was because of the other side of him. It had torn loose of its shackles, that's why. It screamed in his ears and paralysed him. The darkness had exploded in that alley, and there was no way he could control it. That is why he'd been such a coward, and if she couldn't understand this, then perhaps she was no friend at all. He should explain it, and he was sure she'd understand. Surely. All he had to do was unveil the darkness within.

But he didn't. That was not his way. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head and sighed. For a fleeting moment there was blessed silence; maybe the interrogation was over? He breathed appreciatively.

"What did you do when you were admitted into the Academy? They must have seen potential."

She gazed at him, her cheeks turned up. She was a friend, wasn't she? This line of questioning may be trampling him, but she wouldn't be doing it if she didn't care. Perhaps he should offer something in return. Relationships were supposed to be two-way, or so they said. He wasn't good at relationships, but now was as good a time as any to start practising.

It all came flooding back, and he stroked his shoulder more firmly. That experience, years back, when he'd first succumbed to his darker side was a pivotal one. And dichotomous too. On the one hand it paved the way for his life as a mandahoi, but on the other... He gulped. It had un-tethered his darker side and he had been resisting ever since. It had been his personal hell, his secret, but now it was being prised from him.